In the air

I don't know what's in the air these days. Everyone is coming back from holidays, school is about to start again and all this is bringing stress and pressure into our lives. Certainly into my professional life.

I do know that after a stressful workday and physical exercise, I should be able to sleep. I am exhausted, mentally and physically, but the minute I turn the light off, I toss and turn and cannot find sleep. But my sleeping disorder is old news.

I also know that something is the matter. I almost burst into tears last night, for no known reason.

Friends are falling into depressions, crying for no particular reason, some are particularly edgy. What is in the air these days?

Broke but proud

I had no idea my new resolution would be so difficult to achieve. And I am not referring to the obvious effort and profuse sweat implied by going to the various classes and machine and cardio trainings after so many months of not exercising. Nope. I am referring to finding a gym conveniently located, nice, modern, and within my budget. I seriously had no idea what an impossible mission this would be.

I visited all the gyms near and between my office and my home, thus experiencing the whole array of types of gyms, from cheapest to most expensive, tiny to huge, filthy to clean, modern to completely outdated, renovated to vanished, with or without provided towels, snobbish to macarra, etc. My expectations soon needed to be revised: there was no way I could get everything I wanted. It was apparently very naïve of me to request a clean modern gym open 7 days a week for a maximum of 50€ per month. Unless of course I paid the whole year in advance, boom 600€ upfront, thus surely loosing money as I will not stay in Madrid for so long. They all immediately f*** you over as soon as you try to register as a monthly member: no gym offered anything under 65€/month under these conditions. Not even the tiny shitty outdated ones! This to me is a clear sign of underdevelopment. Going to a gym should not be a luxury; anyone living in a modern European city like Madrid should be able to afford it, and prices should most certainly be adapted to the city’s cost of life.

Anyhow, I ended up keeping some of my priorities which are essential for me to actually go to the gym regularly. But I certainly did have to give in on my budget. There’s no way in hell I’ll be able to save money anymore! On the other hand, nothing can take away how proud I am of myself.

PS: my body is already aching very much from yesterday’s bodytonic class. Ouch!

It's up to me

‘I am not in a good place right now.’ I always found that expression quite funny and vague. It can mean so many things, as in ‘not really happy’, a ‘bit sad’ or depressed, or simply ‘not satisfied with oneself.’ Every time I heard it though, it always referred to a mental state of mind and was never meant literally; the bad place had nothing to do with geographical location.

Lately I really feel like I am not in a good place. By this I don’t mean that I am depressed or that I don’t enjoy being in Madrid any longer. Rather that I don’t feel as good as I usually do and that I maybe tend to see things negatively lately. The wait is affecting me at last. I yearn for change. All in all not a good place.

I have however decided to do something about it. One thing I have learned in this life is that we all have the power to change things around. It’s up to me. And so I have decided that going to a gym to exercise and unwind after a workday will make me feel much better about myself. In the meantime.

All I still want

I had not felt this way in a very long time. Years, actually. Back in Miami I often felt it, especially during the last year or two, when all I wanted was to be back in Europe. When all I wanted was to be with you.

Now that we are together, now that I know how right it feels to be with you, the one I had been waiting for all my life, I really did not expect to feel this lonely ever again. But it does make sense, as I find myself dying to be elsewhere once again and all I still want is to be with you.

Almost anywhere

This week is being so slow and boring. Madrid is litterally empty, everything is closed for vacation, the heat continues and yet the clouds make the afternoons at the pool absurd, and my presence at work is required every day as the sole responsible for our departement although absolutely nothing is going on. I can't even look forward to this weekend for I have zero plans and it most certainly will be lonesome and uneventful.

I am however looking forward to something I want to share with you. As our Switzerland job search has not given positive results and our patience to live together is close to running out, (not to mention the fact that I now urgently need a new professional challenge,) we have decided to widen our options. Indeed, we are now looking for any interesting job almost anywhere. Well, actually limited to Europe preferably. And so, we are now waiting for feedback from London, which we should have next week. When positive, we will be in London by the end of September. I realize that the weather is shitty, the city absurdly expensive, the Brits quite special, but I gotta tell you: I love the idea of living there with M for a couple of years. I have always been drawn to London, don' ask me why. Actually if you know me well enough, I think you'll understand exactly why. Additionally, it will be great for both of us at a professional level. All in all I reckon a brilliant idea. Yet unbelievable and at the same time oh so exciting! Most of all something to look forward to.

The why and the what

This whole thing started when I simply registered to blogger to be able to post non-anymous comments on Uma b's blog. The space registered to my name then remained there, empty and liveless for a few months. Until October of last year when I suddenly felt the urge to write. Uma b had just announced to me that she was going to have a baby. My childhood friend, my Summer partner in crime and confident since I am 11 years old was going to be a mother. This was huge news. The impact of this announcement was such that I found myself writing a second post. I needed to analyse what I felt and try to find words for it.

Again it remained untouched until months later, after Uma b had given birth to a gorgeous baby boy. I found myself at a turning point and needed to analyse my feelings once again. So much was happening in my life. It was just about to change completely and even if I had wished for it for a long time, I felt panick. And as soon as I started writing and posting, I felt good. It was therapeutical. It became my analyst whom I had always wished for.

Another trigger was the geographical loss of yet another friend. My friend and coworker Nat had left Madrid, thus joining my long-distance group of friends. With international moves, job changes and travels you are indeed doomed to have a one of those groups. And so I realised that my blog could be more than my therapeutical space to speak out and express my thoughts and feelings. It could become a way to keep in touch with those very special friends who are not necessarily a phone call away.

So there you have it. These are the reasons behind Lovely Planète. The thing is, I don't know if I am so happy with it as is. I have a feeling it's too spread. It lacks shape, form. Identity. Or something. I just don't know what. And I can't help but wonder what that what is.

One, two, three, catorce!

The concert was fantastic! The sound was incredible, the atmosphere among the 56 million people who attended magic, the selection between new and old songs quite good, even if it could have been better imho. Click here to see more pics, but don't expect too much: the bright lights in the background of the stage made it quite impossible most of the time (probably on purpose.) Not to mention the fact that the vomitorio 49 was a tomar por culo (i.e. far as in butt fucking Egypt)