Dirty games

Your butt is mine
gonna tell you right
Just show your face in broad daylight.
. . .
I'm giving you on count of three
To show your stuff or let it be.
I'm telling you
just watch your mouth
I know your game
what you're about.
Well
they say the sky's the limit
and to me that's really true
but
my friend
you have seen nothing
just wait 'til I get through -
Because I'm bad
I'm bad - come on
You know I'm bad
I'm bad - you know it!
And the whole world has to answer right now
Just to tell you once again who's bad!
The word is out
you're doin' wrong
Gonna lock you up before too long.
your lyin' eyes gonna tell you right
. . .

Couldn't resist in quoting Michael today! I feel 'bad' because I legally resigned, meaning my official last day at work is December 7th. So there is nothing she can do to make me work and train my replacement until the 23rd of Dec. But as my very wise mother says, I am not being bad or playing dirty. I am simply using the aces I finally have in my hand and putting an end to their dirty games.

In limbo

My life is a big question mark at the moment, consisting of uncertainties and undefined variables. Yes, it is obviously and logically due to the intermediate or transitional state I am going thru, the big move, but it's a bit disheartening. Especially when all I am trying to do is 'help' my boss by giving her the time to find my replacement, whom she then wants me to train for 2 entire weeks. It's all fine and dandy in theory, except for the fact that she's already had 12 days but hasn't arranged anything yet, and for the inevitability that I have to pack all my stuff, empty my flat and make all the necessary arrangements to leave Madrid before Christmas. It’s simply not going to be feasible, and frankly, I am sorry to say that I refuse to be the one suffering from it. I am gonna have to play dirty.

Tchin tchin

I have a plane to catch in less than 3 hours. I am flying to Bordeaux, France, for the surprise birthday party of my friend Mathilde and meeting Nat at the airport. Everything has been organised by Mathilde's sister and the birthday girl has absolutely NO IDEA of what's expecting her tonight. 50 of her friends will be in the room when she arrives.

I have not seen Mathilde since she left Madrid more than a year and half ago. Those were the times when the 'Blondes Club' - Mathilde, Nat and I - (I realize this requires an explanation but it will have to be in another post!) would hang out at each other's houses almost every night, tasting Spanish wines (with the excuse of Mathilde's profession: oenology), French cheese, home-made foie gras, tapas, and of course chatting the night away. Nights which would often finish at 5am with one of us saying the famous: 'I don't think I am gonna go to work tomorrow.'

This weekend is synonym of celebrationS: her 25th birthday, The 'Blondes Club' reencounter, my moving, and who knows what else we'll find as a cause for more celebration. Tchin tchin!

Wish you all a great weekend!

The Plan

Ladies and Gentlemen, Girls and Boys, it's confirmed: I am going ahead with the temporary solution. The Plan is simple: I am leaving my job (announced it to my boss this morning and boy did it feel great!), leaving Madrid, and starting a brand new student life in Hannover January of 2006! Yup, I plan to spend the first months of 2006 taking it easy, savouring my finally living together with M, and immersing myself into the German culture. I will take intensive German classes for four months, my goal being to be fluent by the end of April. And hopefully by then, M and/or I will have found a new job in another European city which will finally take us to the long-term solution.

I am happy, I feel light and free, excited and a bit scared. It just feels right and I cannot wait to start this new phase of my life. It's time for change. At last.

Saturday night

We all celebrated M's belated birthday Saturday night. 'We all' meaning M, his entire family (parents, uncles, aunts, cousins, grandmother, sister, nephews), and me. It was nice to see all these generations together around a big table, simply drinking, talking, having dinner. For the first time, I felt comfortable. It was great to be part of this big family, with its history and problems, qualities and defaults. Of course I wasn't able to say everything I wanted, given my limited German. But I did my best. And listened and smiled.

I was however a bit disappointed at M and the way he acted that night. Nothing big, but certainly a side I had never seen and I did not expect. A sort of selfishness. Which he quickly eluded when I brought up the subject. Which is now making me think twice about our temporary solution. Because it implies commitment and big changes mostly for me.

A temporary solution

We talked, discussed our options and both immediately agreed on which is the best one. Given, it's a temporary solution, but a solution nonetheless. We now have to look into it in detail, as it entails loads of drastic rapid changes. Give me a few days to research and coordinate, and I promise to tell you all about it. For now, all you need to know is that M and I are happy about the decision we made, and we are ready to start a brand new phase together as soon as January of 2006.

Forcing changes

M did not get the job. The Swiss company was forced to hire internally by its HQ. The sad part is that the Swiss company would have chosen M if allowed to hire externally. Anyhow, a new hope is gone and frankly, I cannot go on like this. I am falling apart. I believe I have been very strong and patient all these months. But enough is enough. Something needs to change. And as the famous proverb goes 'if the mountain won't come to Mohammed, Mohammed must go to the mountain', I am gonna have to force changes myself.

I am going to Hannover tomorrow; M and I will talk about our options. I have a pretty good idea of how to hasten changes, but I first have to see if M also sees that as a good option. Coming back to my current job after the Christmas holidays is certainly not an option in my book. More on that next week, when I'm back and know more about it myself!