Goodbye

I'm finally done. Done packing it all that is. Tomorrow the storage company will pick it all up, and it will then be time for me to say goodbye to my wonderful appartement and to Madrid. They both sheltered me through the last two and half years, since I first arrived starting a brand new phase of my life. Remembering who I was then makes me realise how many/much things/I have changed. For the better I think. I do leave with plenty of good memories, with old and new friends, wiser and happy, and definitely looking forward to what's expecting me next.

Next post will probably be written from Germany, so till then, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you all!

More dirty games

As I happened to mention on Monday, I have some issues with my old job. On my last day, the 'finiquito' they showed me stated they owed me nothing, when the reality is that they do owe me vacation days and expenses (a grand total, mind you, of 1400 euros!) So I obviously refused to sign the damn paper and wrote my boss and HR an email demanding it to be corrected and faxed to me by Friday the 16th. That's today. And of course I still have not heard from my boss. I still did not receive any fax.

I am so tired of their dirty games. The funny thing is that I know for a fact that she expects me to come to the office today. She's not so bright you know, does not read very well. Meaning she read my email between the lines and is waiting for me this afternoon to sign the paper, return the mobile phone, and train my replacement for a few hours. But that ain't gonna happen. I am not going and I am keeping the phone until this issue is resolved. Besides, I really don't wanna see her fake face again in my life!

To do

Looking at my gigantic to do list used to literally depress me and/or stress me. I can however happily and proudly say that it has notably decreased. If I continue like this, I might even be able to enjoy a few moments of freedom in Madrid before I leave. Freedom being a few hours of shopping (still need to buy a few xmas presents!), visiting friends, or (hopefully and) spending time with my father.

But I can't get carried away with joy yet. First things first. Got a gazillion things to do!

Roller coaster

I feel like I am on a roller coaster these days. I am surrounded by boxes, some closed, others unfinished and open. I stress out about not being able to finish the packing on time, and minutes later I realize I have plenty of time ahead of me. I worry about how to solve the legal issue of my company not paying me everything they owe me, and then just feel thankful to have left and the hell with them. The fact is I go from happiness and relief, to stress and irritation in a matter of seconds: I love the appartment M chose and rented, but get all frustrated when I see that we can't seem to agree on oh so many things about it.

I am happy about my decision, of that I am sure. I spent a wonderful weekend in Hannover and felt relieved when I saw all the pieces of the puzzle fitting together. I soon forgot about how nightmarishly my trip had started, when the airline made me pay a fortune for 18 kgs excess baggage, after my 'savior' sat next to me in the plane: a very nice Spanish lady, whose daughter followed the same exact path I am about to embark on. She left everything she had in Spain (job, appt, etc.) to move to Hannover and be with the man she loved. Funny coincidence, right? Or maybe not?

Last day

This is pretty much my face today, my last day in the office! The words are lacking to describe my happiness, but Garfield's face is self-explanatory don't cha think?

Our future little love nest

The days are flying by. I can't believe I only have today and Wednesday left at work. It's thrilling, and it honestly feels good to know that it's my last hours working with this awful team. And it feels even better to know where I will be living in Hannover. Yes, you read that right, we already found our little love nest: a small attic apartment in the central List neighborhood. We're signing the contract this week! Meaning we'll do lots more than originally planned in my trip there this Thursday. Not only will we go to see the language schools, but we'll also be able to go to Ikea and choose some of the furniture we need to buy. Hopefully this won't involve a big argument, as we can't seem to agree on the same pieces: M's priority is the cheapest price, whereas mine are nice design and good value. Call me spoiled, call me whatever you want, I need to feel comfortable in my home even if this involves spending a bit more. Especially when I am moving to a foreign country.

Quality time

I have always been very close to my mother. I am sure being raised by her alone has a lot to do with it. Communication has always flown between us, with the exception of a few tough years when I went through the natural teenage rebellion. It's therefore quite hard to live geographically so far apart. We've gotten used to it of course, given that it's been ten years now. And it surely makes us appreciate and savour the times we spend together much more, even if saying goodbye is always just as hard.

She just came to Madrid for a last visit before my departure. We went Christmas shopping, we saw a terrific expo about the Traces which I definitely recommend, we went up to El Escorial to see Uma b. and the Mountain family, we saw an interesting little Argentinian movie on DVD, and we chatted and talked for hours. And I realised that the roles are starting to change and invert themselves: up to now she was always the one with the answers and I the one asking her questions and her advice. But not so much anymore. Is it because she's more confused now, or rather because she now sees me as an adult to whom she can confide her doubts? I reckon it's a bit of both.

Last business trip

I am off to Lisbon. My very last business trip for the company will unfortunately happen with my boss, which I cannot say I am looking forward to. Three full days with her begging me to please work an extra week to train my substitute and once again save her ass. I know she'll use any weapons to try to convince me and I therefore dread this trip. I will however do my best to enjoy my last business trip in this city I have learned to enjoy and discover these past two years. Send me strength with a drop diplomacy, please!

Thanksgiving tradition

I would have never thought that Thanksgiving would be something I'd miss from my eight years living in the States. Don't get me wrong, I don't miss the turkey (which tends to be always dry and insipid,) the green beens, mashed potatoes, and cranberry sauce (that last one makes me invariably and uncontrollably do a disgusted expression.) It's not even the two days off work. No, what I miss is everyone getting together for the long 4 day weekend. Family, or adopted family (when you have an American stepmother like me,) and friends who are in town alone, all come together that day. Wherever they live, they all jump on a plane/car and spend the holiday at home with their grandparents, brothers, cousins, sisters, nephews, children, and parents. It's a tradition that Americans observe religiously, and the spirit is beautiful: it's just about all getting together and having Thanksgiving dinner. No presents necessary unlike Christmas, the only other occasion when an entire family gets together. And that's what I actually miss, that special spirit of love, peace and forgiveness among all the guests.

If you ask me, it would be much better for us Non-Americans to adopt and copy the Thanksgiving tradition instead of the much less significant Halloween. And so I will celebrate it tonight in Madrid, with my father, my stepmother and my friend Amélie.

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!

Simply craquant

I've always had a weakness for Chris Martin. I find him simply 'craquant.' In Spanish, the closest I can find is 'está para comerselo'. He basically makes me melt. And he was especially 'craquant' last night, during the concert Coldplay performed in a completely full Palacio de los Deportes, as he attempted to communicate in Spanish with the audience. He kept repeating the few words and expressions he knew such as '¿Todos contentos?', 'Joder, que bueno!', 'Gracias', 'Madrid es guapo' accentuated by his cute British pronunciation.

The concert was fantastic: the sound was perfect, the song selection couldn't be better, and the energy on stage contagious. Chris kept jumping, running, and performing risky yet funny acrobatic moves, as he sang away his oh so beautiful lyrics. He joked, he laughed, and I melted.

I also laughed and jumped and sang and danced, happy to be there, with my school friend Amélie who's visiting for a few days, and extatic about my resignation and the new phase of my life which is just about to start.

Dirty games

Your butt is mine
gonna tell you right
Just show your face in broad daylight.
. . .
I'm giving you on count of three
To show your stuff or let it be.
I'm telling you
just watch your mouth
I know your game
what you're about.
Well
they say the sky's the limit
and to me that's really true
but
my friend
you have seen nothing
just wait 'til I get through -
Because I'm bad
I'm bad - come on
You know I'm bad
I'm bad - you know it!
And the whole world has to answer right now
Just to tell you once again who's bad!
The word is out
you're doin' wrong
Gonna lock you up before too long.
your lyin' eyes gonna tell you right
. . .

Couldn't resist in quoting Michael today! I feel 'bad' because I legally resigned, meaning my official last day at work is December 7th. So there is nothing she can do to make me work and train my replacement until the 23rd of Dec. But as my very wise mother says, I am not being bad or playing dirty. I am simply using the aces I finally have in my hand and putting an end to their dirty games.

In limbo

My life is a big question mark at the moment, consisting of uncertainties and undefined variables. Yes, it is obviously and logically due to the intermediate or transitional state I am going thru, the big move, but it's a bit disheartening. Especially when all I am trying to do is 'help' my boss by giving her the time to find my replacement, whom she then wants me to train for 2 entire weeks. It's all fine and dandy in theory, except for the fact that she's already had 12 days but hasn't arranged anything yet, and for the inevitability that I have to pack all my stuff, empty my flat and make all the necessary arrangements to leave Madrid before Christmas. It’s simply not going to be feasible, and frankly, I am sorry to say that I refuse to be the one suffering from it. I am gonna have to play dirty.

Tchin tchin

I have a plane to catch in less than 3 hours. I am flying to Bordeaux, France, for the surprise birthday party of my friend Mathilde and meeting Nat at the airport. Everything has been organised by Mathilde's sister and the birthday girl has absolutely NO IDEA of what's expecting her tonight. 50 of her friends will be in the room when she arrives.

I have not seen Mathilde since she left Madrid more than a year and half ago. Those were the times when the 'Blondes Club' - Mathilde, Nat and I - (I realize this requires an explanation but it will have to be in another post!) would hang out at each other's houses almost every night, tasting Spanish wines (with the excuse of Mathilde's profession: oenology), French cheese, home-made foie gras, tapas, and of course chatting the night away. Nights which would often finish at 5am with one of us saying the famous: 'I don't think I am gonna go to work tomorrow.'

This weekend is synonym of celebrationS: her 25th birthday, The 'Blondes Club' reencounter, my moving, and who knows what else we'll find as a cause for more celebration. Tchin tchin!

Wish you all a great weekend!

The Plan

Ladies and Gentlemen, Girls and Boys, it's confirmed: I am going ahead with the temporary solution. The Plan is simple: I am leaving my job (announced it to my boss this morning and boy did it feel great!), leaving Madrid, and starting a brand new student life in Hannover January of 2006! Yup, I plan to spend the first months of 2006 taking it easy, savouring my finally living together with M, and immersing myself into the German culture. I will take intensive German classes for four months, my goal being to be fluent by the end of April. And hopefully by then, M and/or I will have found a new job in another European city which will finally take us to the long-term solution.

I am happy, I feel light and free, excited and a bit scared. It just feels right and I cannot wait to start this new phase of my life. It's time for change. At last.

Saturday night

We all celebrated M's belated birthday Saturday night. 'We all' meaning M, his entire family (parents, uncles, aunts, cousins, grandmother, sister, nephews), and me. It was nice to see all these generations together around a big table, simply drinking, talking, having dinner. For the first time, I felt comfortable. It was great to be part of this big family, with its history and problems, qualities and defaults. Of course I wasn't able to say everything I wanted, given my limited German. But I did my best. And listened and smiled.

I was however a bit disappointed at M and the way he acted that night. Nothing big, but certainly a side I had never seen and I did not expect. A sort of selfishness. Which he quickly eluded when I brought up the subject. Which is now making me think twice about our temporary solution. Because it implies commitment and big changes mostly for me.

A temporary solution

We talked, discussed our options and both immediately agreed on which is the best one. Given, it's a temporary solution, but a solution nonetheless. We now have to look into it in detail, as it entails loads of drastic rapid changes. Give me a few days to research and coordinate, and I promise to tell you all about it. For now, all you need to know is that M and I are happy about the decision we made, and we are ready to start a brand new phase together as soon as January of 2006.

Forcing changes

M did not get the job. The Swiss company was forced to hire internally by its HQ. The sad part is that the Swiss company would have chosen M if allowed to hire externally. Anyhow, a new hope is gone and frankly, I cannot go on like this. I am falling apart. I believe I have been very strong and patient all these months. But enough is enough. Something needs to change. And as the famous proverb goes 'if the mountain won't come to Mohammed, Mohammed must go to the mountain', I am gonna have to force changes myself.

I am going to Hannover tomorrow; M and I will talk about our options. I have a pretty good idea of how to hasten changes, but I first have to see if M also sees that as a good option. Coming back to my current job after the Christmas holidays is certainly not an option in my book. More on that next week, when I'm back and know more about it myself!

Perfections and imperfections

The weekend was delightful, the party a huge success, and the site breath-taking (judge for yourself here). The sun and nice autumn weather also showed up, so we really have nothing to complain about.

Well, I take that back. I do have something to complain about, as when I attempted to return to Madrid on Sunday evening, Iberia had cancelled my flight. Uhu. Surprise surprise. So after two hours waiting in line at the Iberia Costumer Center desk, where of course only one person was taking care of rerouting all the passengers of my cancelled flight, I was given a cheap hotel voucher, and a boarding pass for the next day. I now have to write a letter to get the compensation I deserve according to my passengers rights, which reads very clearly minimum of 200 euros. Enough is enough, and in this case I really had too much. I hereby solemny vow to never fly with Iberia ever again (unless given no other choice that is.) Iberia, nunca mais!

Last but not least for today's post, tomorrow is the day when we FINALLY get the much expected confirmation about M getting the very perfect sounding job in Zurich for January.... Praying, wishing and hoping as always. Destiny will decide.

Painful week

It's a painful week in every way. Neverending days in the office with no breaks whatsoever and just TOO much work, followed by a direct commute home, more especifically directly to bed: my neck and shoulders are killing me. I cannot move. Without screaming that is. Too much stress and tension for poor little me! I just hope I have not inherited this cross from my father (the most nervous and tensed person I have ever met) who periodically has to stay in bed for several consecutive days. Cervical nervous problems. The very strong pain killers I found in my pharmacy (a rest of my Elephant Man allergy) are helping but not close to enough! I just hope it will go away before Saturday, and the VIP party...

Only 8 days left

There's only one week left for my Mom's big birthday party. She's turning 60 and there will thus be a big celebration on one of the oldest mountains in Switzerland. The party will take place at a hotel, managed by a friend of my mother, who is organising the entire evening: the cocktail outdoors with a very typical swiss Alphorn event, the dinner, the party, the dancing, the DJ, etc.

I have been helping with the invitations, the guests confirmation, and the group present. But I'd really like to do something more. I'd mostly like to add a personal decoration touch to the dinner and party. Something that relates to my mother. But the geographics are very limiting, as I cannot be bringing everything from Madrid. Any ideas anyone? Only 8 days left...

Let's redefine that, shall we?

According to the many online dictionaries, here are a few definitions of 'jetlag':

1. a temporary disruption of bodily rhythms caused by high-speed travel across several time zones typically in a jet aircraft.
2. physical condition caused by crossing multiple time zones during flight. The condition is generally believed to be the result of disruption to the circadian rhythms(i.e. the "light/dark" cycle) of the body. It can also be exacerbated by experiencing sudden changes in climate or seasonal conditions, as well as the reduced oxygen partial pressure and low humidity commonly experienced in the cabin of an aircraft.
3. a condition that is characterized by various psychological and physiological effects (as fatigue and irritability), occurs following long flight through several time zones, and probably results from disruption of circadian rhythms in the human body. Other symptoms of jet lag include anxiety, constipation, diarrhea, confusion, dehydration, headache, irritability, nausea, sweating, coordination problems, and even memory loss. Some individuals may report additional symptoms, such as heartbeat irregularities and an increased susceptibility to illness.

Blah blah blah. Not to say that they're not correct, but they're definitely incomplete. Let's redefine that, shall we? So, they all say that it's a physical condition, so ok we'll keep that; caused by travel (no, really? Who would have thought???); intensified by climate and season changes (I have no problem believing that as we went from 35 to 10 degrees); the effects being fatigue (uhu) and irritability (not sure about that one, even though I most probably was very irritable this morning at 4:25 am as I lay wide awake in my bed after just a few hours of sleep.) As for the list of other symptoms they are quite scary. I'll just keep confusion, as I do feel quite disoriented since I landed. But what about the sleepless hours you spend in bed exhausted at night? During my many insomniac hours last night, I first started to blame the severity of my jetlag on my age. But as the hours went by, I remembered the severe insomnia I suffered as a child returning every Summer from the States. Honestly I don't think we can take age as a factor. But we should definitely add that you barely feel any jetlag when you travel to your holiday destination but really feel it when you come back home. Pretty illogical if you ask me, but that's the way it works.

So we now have a physical condition caused by travel and experienced mostly when returning home, intensified by climate and season changes, which causes fatigue, confusion, insomnia, irritability, and many other more severe effects.

Yup, that's it. But maybe I should add that is also causes weird and abnormal behavior cause I don't think it's normal I just spent half an hour writing about this, when I am actually swamped at work!

Not yet

We're back. We're jetlagged. M is flying back home and I'm already swamped at work, so please bare with me. All I can say for now is that we had a phenomenal week, shopping, partying, dining, going to the beach, to Key West, and spending quality time together and with friends. I need some time to land, because frankly I cannot say that I am glad to be back in grey Madrid. Not yet.

We're off

We're off to Miami. See you when we return in 10 days, rested, tanned, looking gooooooood and with overstuffed suitcases. Don't work too hard. Cheers!

Agitation

The weekend with the parents in law was definitely busy. It's never easy to show a city like Madrid in 3 days. You want to show them everything, yet give them the time to enjoy it, walk slowly, look up, look right, look left, take pictures, eat here, drink there, taste this and of course that... give them the time to 'live' this wonderful rich city. Quite proudly, I have to say that I acomplished my mission. They fell in love with Madrid. And we now all feel intimately comfortable with each other (it took me the actual total of 3 days to finally use the du/tu.)
The agitation continues this week as I have a double workload due to next week's holidays and refuse to stay in the office overtime to fully enjoy M's presence at home. Not to mention the necessity to take care of all the last minute arrangements for the Miami trip, such as packing, shopping orders, reservations, preparing the golden anniversay present, and what not. It's amazing how many last minute details there always are to a transatlantic vacation. On the plus side, anything we forget will be added to the already huge shopping list (hohoho.)

Monika and Günter

My weekend should be quite interesting and different. My future parents-in-law are in town and staying at my house until Monday. As they have never been in Madrid before, sightseeing is mostly on the program, the obvious shopping, tapas stops, and of course nice dinners celebrating M's birthday over and over. Also in the agenda, many pre and post dinner cocktails, hopefully followed by some dancing once they are a bit blau (i.e. tipsy in German.) Because one thing is for sure: my parents in law are hilarious when tipsy. In last night's preview, they offered me the 'du' (i.e. tu in Spanish and French) and I no longer have to call them Mr and Mrs S, but Monika and Günter. A HUGE step! Let's see what other big steps will occur this promising weekend.

Welcome to my club

Happy Birthday Love

and welcome to the 30s club!

One drop

The situation in Madrid and most of Spain is critical. The Madrid dams are at 37% of their capacity and if it does not rain soon, water will become a rare necessity. Incredibly, there are very few restrictions. The campaign Súmate al reto del agua (i.e. join the water challenge) is pretty much everywhere since the beginning of Summer, clearly stating the problem and giving tips on how to spare water. Easy tricks, that each and everyone of us should be doing everywhere and always - these should actually be innate behavior - but that are very rarely followed, even in this critical present situation. As easy as turning the water off while you're brushing your teeth, or better even, using a glass filled with water. Taking a quick shower instead of a bath. Etc, etc.

Anyway, this is just one drop of The BIG Problem. The general, critical and complete lack of respect for our planet. It is simply frustrating to see how the majority of people around the world behave selfishly, unconscious (or is it unsensible?) about the effects of their actions on the earth, the sky, the air, the water, and the generations to follow.

So I can't help but wonder, is it really a simple lack of education?

Which Bettie Page are you?

You're Leggy Bettie...you may be tall or short but either way you seem to make the guys swoon and the girls jealous and girls think of you as a "slut" or "bitch". Again, you're beautiful, they're not...right?

And you?

Nothing is forever

I have always known that nothing is forever. My expectations were always low, as I thought it was the best way to not get disappointed and hurt. I never thought and therefore hoped to spend my entire life with the same man. I remember shocking all my friends and boys who liked me during my late teenage years, when during those late night talks after the club had closed and we all found ourselves at somebody's house where the parents were absent, we all talked about how we saw our lives when we'd be 30. After they all had described their picture perfect future -which basically consisted on mariage, children, a big house in the suburbs and a dog running in the garden- they all were dumbfounded and speechless when I finished telling them that what I wanted was to have a daughter and raise her on my own. Followed the obvious questions wanting to understand why I thought that way, and the usual attempts to change my position on the issue.

My point of view changed with the years, and in my mid twenties I started to wish I'd find that special someone with whom I'd have a family and attempt to make it work for as long as possible. Mariage was not on the program even then. I still did not believe in it, at least not for me. Maybe because none of the guys I was with ever made me feel completely and utterly safe or that he was worthy of my blind trust.

All this changed when I met M. As naive as it may sound, I really feel like he's The One for me. Suddenly I want the picture perfect illustration I so vividly reprobated (ok, without the house, garden and dog.) And I will go for it if given the chance, and do my best to make it work for as long as possible. But I will never take it as granted and expected it to last forever. Because nothing is forever. And whenever I seem to be forgetting this verity, I get a reality check. In this case, my dear friend K was dumped by the man she loves and with whom she was finally ready to attempt the 'as long as possible.' It happened to her today, and it can happen to any of us any day, any time, so let's just be aware of that fact.

Healthy again

I was sick at home for the past three days. I am finally feeling good again. So I am finally out of my house but unfortunately in the office.

What type of killer are you?

You kill for revenge.
That is because you have lost something or someone you held very dear. Now you can't seem to get over the loss that marked your soul, and the only solution is to go after the one person who brought all this pain to you. Chances are you are angry inside and you bottle everything up and don't talk to anyone about it. People may want to help, but you think that they can never understand your pain and only get frustrated because of this. But it is important to see all that you have left and be thankful of that even if you have lost something great. It may not be true that Times heals all wounds, but with time and talking about your feelings, maybe the hurt will ease.
Main weapon: Yourself
Quote: "You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories" -Stainslaw J. Lec
Facial expression: Gritted teeth and teary eyes

What Type of Killer Are YOU?

A productive not working day

Other than my computer crashing, today is actually a good day. A surprisingly productive one, as a matter of fact. As all my co-workers are out of the office and a wonderful peaceful silence reigns in the open space, as I have no access to my digital files and restricted access to my outlook, but yet full access to my absent co-worker’s computer and Internet, I have thus been able to spend my day not working, and taking care of many pending personal matters. I have been able to finally:
a) send to print some digital photos,
b) surf the blogs I like and discover new ones,
c) and most importantly I have booked M’s and my free business class tickets to Miami (yes, you read that right, your eyes are not playing tricks on you.) It’s confirmed, we are coming and in style! We’ll be there from October 7th to the 16th so mark your calendars and let me know when and where you want to meet =)
d) publish two posts in one day

I don't give a rat's ass

I cannot say that I did not expect it to happen. I really did, since the very first day I inherited it from my colleague. It had been passed on and on, from co-worker to co-worker, its memory and space decreasing slowly, its system slowing down dangerously. No matter how much space I freed, junk I deleted, and TLC I offered, it was not getting better. So it really should not have been a surprise this morning when, ten minutes into my work, the screen of my laptop turned black and any key I pressed made a high-pitched scary beeping sound.

But it was. No matter how much you expect some things to happen, they often come as a shock when they finally do occur. On the bright side, as I really do not believe that our lousy IT department will be able to save/repair it, this incident might finally get me the new laptop I was promised 18 months ago (which should leave me approx. 2 weeks with no access to my computer, i.e. no way to work.) On the realistic side, I will probably inherit an old laptop from someone who will indeed get a brand new one, supposedly deserving it more that myself, even if they NEVER travel. The truth is, when your company knows that you are looking elsewhere and will thus leave soon, you’re pretty much f***ed when it comes to new and interesting projects and equipment. Now ask me if I had backed up all the reports, stats, and files? The answer is no, and I don’t give a rat’s ass!

Two

It's been 2 years today. Two years since M and I have been together. Two years of laughs, tears, surprises, trips, but most of all two years of love, caring, and companionship. I can honestly say that we evolved together, in the same direction, and that we are closer now than we ever were. Many would say (and have done so) that living apart as we do makes things easier. I could not disagree more. It might have made things easier in the beginning, as we were slowly building up our relationship and learning to be together. But at some point it started making things much harder. It's hard to let him leave when all I want is to spend every minute with him. It's hard to only be able to hear his voice on the phone, when all I want is to feel his arms around me. Harder not to be able to hug him when he's feeling low. Not to mention how expensive it all is, between the monthly flights and the phone bills. I reckon that when we are able to surpass the numerous obstacles of living apart, we will really appreciate every moment, every detail, when we finally do live together. HopefullyDefinitely soon...

A long time ago, while I was visiting New Orleans, an old gipsy woman read my palm and told me about M. Up to this date, everything she told me came true. But that's another post ;-)

Happy Anniversary Love!

Yaya

On Saturday, my grandmother is turning 85. So today I am jumping in a plane to the South of Spain, as for this very special occasion the three generations of mothers and daughters will spend a few days together in Rancho Chico. Yaya, my mother and I.

I have always said that my grandmother's life was fascinating and deserved to become a book... For lack of book, here’s a small summary: Yaya, which stands for grandmother in Russian, was born in 1920 in Ukraine. After her father's murder by the Bolsheviks, she had to flee the country with her mother and together they went to Switzerland. Her mother died a few years later, when my grandmother was 8 years old, but she had by then remarried and thus left her in the hands of a stepfather and his family. All in all she had a tough childhood. Not an easy life either. She worked very hard her entire life, went though a divorce with her first husband, raised her daughter alone, and was immensely deceived by her second husband, who additionally left her bankrupted. At the end, she buried both of her husbands, and my mother and I are everything she has left. She now lives alone in her flat, and suffers from an eye disease which is making her close to blind.

Yaya is a beautiful, fragile, and overly generous woman, suffering from many pains (all mentally generated if you ask me), who (as many old people tend to do) is slowly growing back into a child... So this long weekend is pretty much about babysitting ;-)

Maybe soon

Remember that saying: 'Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans'? Well that's pretty much what's happening right now, as last night, out of the blue, a trip to Miami was offered to me. So, boys and girls, I might be coming to see some of you very soon, but as nothing is confirmed yet I'd better not say more ;-)

Not what I expected

I was expecting the announced rainbow but instead I got a work overload... no time for blogging these days =(

Predictions

I cannot say that I believe in horoscopes and their predictions, but I can say that reading a positive forecast does make me feel good, even if momentarily. And so I am glad to read what September has in store for me according to Elle.com

'You’ve certainly paid your dues and done penance professionally and personally. Because of your generally optimistic attitude, most people have no idea how much you’ve given up or sacrificed for someone or something you believe in. Thankfully, the rainbow you’ve been hoping for makes an impressive appearance this month. . . '

Rainbow, come to me at last!!! ;-)

Dilemma

I got a call yesterday. Today I got an offer. A very tempting one, even if it is not exactly perfect. The pros are the field (film/TV production), the location (Geneva), the company, the position, and the starting date (end of September.) Unfortunately there are cons as well, such as the fact that it is a half-time job (20 hours/week) with a salary accordingly, and the location since it might be harder for M to find a job.

Production has always been my passion and being able to work in that industry would be a dream come true. But how much am I willing to sacrifice to follow my passion? I think I need to go to this interview to find out.

In the air

I don't know what's in the air these days. Everyone is coming back from holidays, school is about to start again and all this is bringing stress and pressure into our lives. Certainly into my professional life.

I do know that after a stressful workday and physical exercise, I should be able to sleep. I am exhausted, mentally and physically, but the minute I turn the light off, I toss and turn and cannot find sleep. But my sleeping disorder is old news.

I also know that something is the matter. I almost burst into tears last night, for no known reason.

Friends are falling into depressions, crying for no particular reason, some are particularly edgy. What is in the air these days?

Broke but proud

I had no idea my new resolution would be so difficult to achieve. And I am not referring to the obvious effort and profuse sweat implied by going to the various classes and machine and cardio trainings after so many months of not exercising. Nope. I am referring to finding a gym conveniently located, nice, modern, and within my budget. I seriously had no idea what an impossible mission this would be.

I visited all the gyms near and between my office and my home, thus experiencing the whole array of types of gyms, from cheapest to most expensive, tiny to huge, filthy to clean, modern to completely outdated, renovated to vanished, with or without provided towels, snobbish to macarra, etc. My expectations soon needed to be revised: there was no way I could get everything I wanted. It was apparently very naïve of me to request a clean modern gym open 7 days a week for a maximum of 50€ per month. Unless of course I paid the whole year in advance, boom 600€ upfront, thus surely loosing money as I will not stay in Madrid for so long. They all immediately f*** you over as soon as you try to register as a monthly member: no gym offered anything under 65€/month under these conditions. Not even the tiny shitty outdated ones! This to me is a clear sign of underdevelopment. Going to a gym should not be a luxury; anyone living in a modern European city like Madrid should be able to afford it, and prices should most certainly be adapted to the city’s cost of life.

Anyhow, I ended up keeping some of my priorities which are essential for me to actually go to the gym regularly. But I certainly did have to give in on my budget. There’s no way in hell I’ll be able to save money anymore! On the other hand, nothing can take away how proud I am of myself.

PS: my body is already aching very much from yesterday’s bodytonic class. Ouch!

It's up to me

‘I am not in a good place right now.’ I always found that expression quite funny and vague. It can mean so many things, as in ‘not really happy’, a ‘bit sad’ or depressed, or simply ‘not satisfied with oneself.’ Every time I heard it though, it always referred to a mental state of mind and was never meant literally; the bad place had nothing to do with geographical location.

Lately I really feel like I am not in a good place. By this I don’t mean that I am depressed or that I don’t enjoy being in Madrid any longer. Rather that I don’t feel as good as I usually do and that I maybe tend to see things negatively lately. The wait is affecting me at last. I yearn for change. All in all not a good place.

I have however decided to do something about it. One thing I have learned in this life is that we all have the power to change things around. It’s up to me. And so I have decided that going to a gym to exercise and unwind after a workday will make me feel much better about myself. In the meantime.

All I still want

I had not felt this way in a very long time. Years, actually. Back in Miami I often felt it, especially during the last year or two, when all I wanted was to be back in Europe. When all I wanted was to be with you.

Now that we are together, now that I know how right it feels to be with you, the one I had been waiting for all my life, I really did not expect to feel this lonely ever again. But it does make sense, as I find myself dying to be elsewhere once again and all I still want is to be with you.

Almost anywhere

This week is being so slow and boring. Madrid is litterally empty, everything is closed for vacation, the heat continues and yet the clouds make the afternoons at the pool absurd, and my presence at work is required every day as the sole responsible for our departement although absolutely nothing is going on. I can't even look forward to this weekend for I have zero plans and it most certainly will be lonesome and uneventful.

I am however looking forward to something I want to share with you. As our Switzerland job search has not given positive results and our patience to live together is close to running out, (not to mention the fact that I now urgently need a new professional challenge,) we have decided to widen our options. Indeed, we are now looking for any interesting job almost anywhere. Well, actually limited to Europe preferably. And so, we are now waiting for feedback from London, which we should have next week. When positive, we will be in London by the end of September. I realize that the weather is shitty, the city absurdly expensive, the Brits quite special, but I gotta tell you: I love the idea of living there with M for a couple of years. I have always been drawn to London, don' ask me why. Actually if you know me well enough, I think you'll understand exactly why. Additionally, it will be great for both of us at a professional level. All in all I reckon a brilliant idea. Yet unbelievable and at the same time oh so exciting! Most of all something to look forward to.

The why and the what

This whole thing started when I simply registered to blogger to be able to post non-anymous comments on Uma b's blog. The space registered to my name then remained there, empty and liveless for a few months. Until October of last year when I suddenly felt the urge to write. Uma b had just announced to me that she was going to have a baby. My childhood friend, my Summer partner in crime and confident since I am 11 years old was going to be a mother. This was huge news. The impact of this announcement was such that I found myself writing a second post. I needed to analyse what I felt and try to find words for it.

Again it remained untouched until months later, after Uma b had given birth to a gorgeous baby boy. I found myself at a turning point and needed to analyse my feelings once again. So much was happening in my life. It was just about to change completely and even if I had wished for it for a long time, I felt panick. And as soon as I started writing and posting, I felt good. It was therapeutical. It became my analyst whom I had always wished for.

Another trigger was the geographical loss of yet another friend. My friend and coworker Nat had left Madrid, thus joining my long-distance group of friends. With international moves, job changes and travels you are indeed doomed to have a one of those groups. And so I realised that my blog could be more than my therapeutical space to speak out and express my thoughts and feelings. It could become a way to keep in touch with those very special friends who are not necessarily a phone call away.

So there you have it. These are the reasons behind Lovely Planète. The thing is, I don't know if I am so happy with it as is. I have a feeling it's too spread. It lacks shape, form. Identity. Or something. I just don't know what. And I can't help but wonder what that what is.

One, two, three, catorce!

The concert was fantastic! The sound was incredible, the atmosphere among the 56 million people who attended magic, the selection between new and old songs quite good, even if it could have been better imho. Click here to see more pics, but don't expect too much: the bright lights in the background of the stage made it quite impossible most of the time (probably on purpose.) Not to mention the fact that the vomitorio 49 was a tomar por culo (i.e. far as in butt fucking Egypt)

Currently

Annoyed: by my stupid co-worker's continuous phone calls on loudspeaker

Counting: the hours till tonight's concert

Devouring: Tony Parson's 'Man and Boy'

Feeling: rested after a good light sleep at last

Glad: the rain has stopped, the sun is shining and the temperatures are surprisingly bearable

Hungry: for fresh juicy fruits

Identifying: with Roberto Benigni in 'Down by law' as he told his cellmates 'if looks could kill, I would be dead'; same look I just got from from my co-worker.

Thinking: what to pack in my carry-on for the long weekend in Germany where rain, showers and fresh temperatures await me.

Let the sun shine!

The sun is trying to stick its head out, and the rain and clouds are still threatening. Please let the sun shine!

No, despite appearances my blog has not turned into a Madrid wheather blog. But:
a) I have too much free time on my hands/ no work to do/ bored with connection to the net
b) I'd really really like to go to the pool after the office
c) It just dawned on me that the concert tomorrow is outdoors and even if rain is an exception in August in Madrid, exceptions tend to happen just when you don't want them to, right?

Unfuckingbelievable

Ladies and Gentlemen, today Wednesday August 10th, it is actually raining in Madrid. Not mosquito pee, no siree; actual rain which makes you soaking wet. Soaking wet as I now sit in the office wearing my ridiculous wet summer alfit with blasting AC. Yes ladies and gentlemen, some people women still feel hot today, as every single day and therefore need to blast the AC at freezing temperatures. Blame it on their menopausal flashes!

And so, going back to the main topic of rain, we Madrilians who have been complaining of the complete absence of rain for months now, today we also complain as our plans to go to the pool after work tombent à l'eau (French expression which means fall in the water, i.e. vanish, go to hell.) Never better said.

With the tix in hands

going to the concert is a REALITY

Currently

Bugged: by M's departure this morning. This unbearable heat!

Busy: blogging and surfing the web.

Counting: the days until my co-workers are ALL gone on holidays, i.e. 5 days to go.

Desiring: Jumping in a fresh pool (definitely tomorrow.) Jumping on a train to San Lorenzo and spending the afternoon with Uma b. and Duke B (hopefully Wednesday.)

Feeling: a mix of unmotivation/laziness and flying on cloud 69.

Listening to: White Stripes' Seven Nation Army.

Looking forward to: U2's concert this Thursday and jumping on a plane to Germany on Friday for the long weekend.

Needing: to look for job offers and send my cv.

Reading: Just finished Susan Fletcher's 'Eve Green' (and feeling pretty blah about it) and will start Tony Parsons' 'Man and boy' today.

Wishing and hoping: for the very much anticipated move to Switzerland. Can anyone out there please give us a job?!?

Illegal aliens

The heat is back in the city. Thankfully my workday ends at 15h with the jornada intensiva (since Monday and until August 31st) which means spending the afternoon at my uncle's pool with M (yes he's back in Madrid for 1 week vacation and yes he has loads of vacation.) The only bearable place to be except for air-conditioned places and home with all the windows and blinds closed (option which would make me look like a vampire instead of having this beautiful tan!)

My uncle lives in a horrible condo building near my office, meaning also in an uncentered uninteresting neighbourhood. However, his horrible building shares a quite nice large pool with two other horrible condo buildings and so I get to use it whenever I want during the summer and I don't need to look like a condom like others. So I need to pretend that I live there as only the residents of the condos are allowed to use the pool area, as they pay for it. The swim guard who is supposed to be checking that is not the problem, he doesn't give a shit. The real guards are the old marujas of the condos (by marujas please understand the bored gossipy housewives) who spend their entire days by the pool, grouped together to better gossip about everyone and everything as they are more frustrated and bitter than ever since their entire families left on holidays without them.

We have been careful and lucky until now, as they have not rightfully accused us of illegally using their pool (even if it is empty except for them and us anyway,) but the truth is that we are always walking on eggshells while there: we make sure to arrive in pool clothes as if we were coming from our condo (by going to my uncle's flat to change beforehand as he too is away on vacation,) we are as discreet as humanly possible and try to make ourselves invisible, we almost whisper as I am sure that they will immediately kick us out if they hear us talking in English, we lay as further away from them as possible, etc. Silly I know, and most probably useless, but I cannot take the risk to be forbidden from the pool for the rest of the long and lonely month of August that awaits me! What on Earth would become of me?!

Sue Ellen's latest attempt

If you read my previous post describing the people I work with, you already have a pretty good idea of my boss, who has a new nickname by the way: Sue Ellen (please refer to the all-time classic Dallas Tv show, and for all you youngsters who are not familiar with it, too bad, you missed something BIG.)

Well, Sue Ellen is definitely not to be trusted. In any way. N E V E R. However, she has been trying to win my trust lately, by referring me for a job in Switzerland for example. Sorry Sue, does not work. Will never work. I will however not be as mean as to refuse her favors!

Her very last attempt is to invite me and the NPI (my co-worker's nickname i.e. N the incompetent bitch) to the very much anticipated illdoanythingtogetaticket U2 concert in Madrid next Thursday the 11th. She has even planned pre-concert drinks at her nearby flat. I am definitely stunned. And very excited about going to the concert. Too bad I'll be with both of them but hey I get to go to a very cool concert so who cares. Besides Sue will definitely be in her drunken state which at least makes her laughable at. So the hardest part of the evening will be to ignore the other one.

Expectations

I did not understand why he insisted so much on going out to dinner Saturday. 'I don't feel very good, the fridge is full, let's dine in tonight and you'll take me out during the week' I kept replying. As I came back from the kitchen with our plates, I was puzzled to find a little black ribonned box awaiting for me.

Not at all how I expected to be asked, nor what I expected to be asked. Which led me to misunderstand him and feel completely disoriented. Definitely a cultural difference. And a very special manifestion of love. I now have no idea what to expect next. Expectations suck.

C’est pas mauvais, c’est rustique

My mother expressed the desire to have dinner at a Moroccan restaurant for her one night stay in Madrid. She had expressed that same antojo last year and we had gone to the usual and expensive Al-Mounia, but as we had been disappointed we decided to try a new address this time. I therefore spent some time asking around and looking on the web for new unknown places and finally decided on one reviewed cheap and authentic.

As I called the restaurant yesterday to ask if a reservation was needed, I was pleasantly surprised when the person who answered the phone barely spoke any Spanish and replied ‘yes yes ok reservation 4 people 10pm’ to my ‘is a reservation necessary?’ question. I thought it was a good sign (it being his poor level of Spanish.)

So at ten last night, we entered a small empty and typically decorated Moroccan restaurant. The waiter was the person whom I had ‘spoken’ to on the phone so we spoke slowly and used a restricted vocabulary in order to try to make ourselves understood. The card was small but included all the specialties my dear mother desired. The place was certainly authentic. No wine. No alcohol. Authentic except for the KISS FM playing in the background.

We ordered cous-cous, pastela, taillin, and 3 alcohol free beers. The service was friendly and certainly fast, the food was ok, and the bill cheap as hell. I apologized a thousand times, my mother kept trying to find positive elements to the experience, and my mother’s boyfriend summarized the experience as ‘C’est pas mauvais, c’est rustique’ (read ‘It’s not bad it’s rustic.) Indeed.

Esa maldita rana

La mayoría de los españoles tienen mal gusto; no es ningún ataque directo a los españoles, ya que estoy convencida de que este el caso de la mayoría de todo país. Musicalmente, por ejemplo, solo hay que mirar los horrores que suenan en la radio y lo que vende: ¿donde más se ha visto que una sencilla como Maria Isabel venda más que U2? Sin hablar de fenomenos de moda como OT o el ‘neng.’ Pues bien, hasta hace poco estaba 'sorprendida en bien’ (traducción literal del francés como suelo hacer muchas y que habla por si misma) ya que España era uno de los pocos países en Europa, o quizás el único, que no había lanzado el Crazy Frog.

El Crazy Frog, para los que no lo ubicáis, es esa rana azul/gris feísima, con una pinta de mala comparable en mi humilde opinión a un Gremlin mojado, que lleva un casco, monta una moto, y no para de producir ese insoportable e irritante sonido que enfurece a cualquier persona normal: "ding ding dididing". Lleva ya varios meses mareando a toda Europa pero el problema es que ahora también ha empezado a marearnos en España.

Entiendo que esta maldita rana venda muchísimo sobre todo en contenidos para móviles ya que a muchísima gente le hace gracia, por falta de cualquier criterio de buen o mal gusto, o simplemente para joder a su entorno. Vale, eso lo entiendo aunque me siga pareciendo patético. Lo que no entiendo es que los medios dejen que el puto ding ding dididing suene en cada uno de sus espacios publicitarios, o sea cada cinco minutos, y eso hasta varias veces seguidas. Que pague Jamba o Blanco&Negro por el espacio publicitario no creo que deba de ser sinónimo de libertad absoluta de atontar a toda la población. Y para los que diréis ‘pero si yo no he visto a la rana en la TV’, tenéis toda la razón, todavía no (aunque si ya invadio la radio.) Pero como la historia se repite y eso es lo que sucedió en países como Alemania o Inglaterra (donde no se podia ver un programa o una peli en la TV sin ver y oir a la puta rana 50 mil veces, a tal punto que hasta hicieron una petición!) prepararos, porque eso es lo que nos espera, seguramente este otoño.

A perfect balance

Friday: After some shopping and some cocktails, we started the evening with a degustation menu in a wonderful 'secret' little terrace.


We then headed to a few bars in Chueca (too bad the bartender was taken, sino Nat se lo abria comido) and ended up closing a pretty cool outdoors club.


Saturday: Nothing better than a house and a garden outside of Madrid with some new and old friends, a paella and a sangria to cure the hangover ;-)


Nat being a player, she obviously had to start some 'surprise shower games.' But when you play with fire chances are you'll get it even worse... here's the proof!


After the obliged nap, we had a great dinner eating 'Miami-like' sushi. Yes, you read my right, I can finally find edamame, spicy tuna, dinamite and rainbow rolls in Madrid =)


Drinks and bar hopping in Malasaña. This lamp was at Blue Note and looked really cool standing out against the bright blue wall.


After dancing our night away at Sala Sol (donde Nat finalmente se comio a su primer españolito, Miguel Angel LOL), we just HAD to taste the spaghettis of Lady Pepa, fortunately empty because of the long weekend. Sunday was therefore synonym of attempting to sleep with the bright sun and afternoon heat and brunch when we finally got out of bed.

Overall an exquisite weekend, a perfectly balanced mix of everything I wanted and needed.

@ Glass bar

A weekend with a mission

I love receiving visits from friends. Whether it's their first time in Madrid and you get to show them everything you love about this city, seeing it through their marveled eyes and quickly making them fall in love with it like Beanie, or simply enjoying the city with friends who used to live here and miss it. The second is the case of Nat who is in Madrid for the weekend. The mission this weekend is thus very clearly defined: quemar Madrid. Great restaurants, delicious dinners, girl talk, long nights, live music, cool hip bars, eating spaghettis afterhours, big brunches with bloody marys, and of course the imperative shoe shopping for the shoe addict!

I shall definitely tell you about all mentionable details of the long weekend when it's over. That's right, I said long weekend: thankfully Monday is off and I might very much need it to recharge my batteries and empty my body from all the toxines I'm going to be ingesting (I no longer have the aguante I used to have and was famous for since I passed the bar of 30); so I'll either be a total couch potato or jump in a train and pay a long postponed and much needed visit to Uma b. @ El Escorial! Uma b. is now the proud mother of Duke Bruno, but she certainly was the expert party queen of this city before this new stage of her life, the one who showed me how to enjoy and love la marcha madrileña and what quemar Madrid really means!

In awe

and shock with this new discovery.... check out these ladies' undies!!!

As clueless as Alicia Silverstone

Yes I work in the mobile industry and should be able to solve this mistery but I am completely clueless (as clueless as Alicia Silverstone): I have litterally tried everything and cannot figure it out.

I had the bright idea to buy a little thingy called a sim card copier for my father's birthday. This small and cheap little machine enables you to back up all the information you keep on your sim card of your mobile phone. Pretty practical when it works properly huh? We all use our mobile phone as our address book and calendar nowadays so we're pretty lost when we loose or have no access to our mobile phones, aren't we?

Anyhow, this is the mistery: the sim card copier is supposed to read any sim in the whole wide world and it does read all the cards I have tried except my father's and mine. Of course. It keeps giving us the error message 'error pin.' Now, we both have corporate accounts with our respective jobs, do you think that could be it and that these sim cards have an equivalent of firewall? If anyone can help me solve this problem, please do tell me what to do!

Mongui surroundings

As I mentioned yesterday I cannot wait till my dear 'mongui' colleagues leave on holidays (by mongui please understand mentally retarded.) I have only been back in the office for 3 days now and I am already fed up. Let me try to expain why.

Colleague n.1
Nicknamed trouduc which litterally means asshole in French. He is the typical overly nice and sweet guy who looks a bit like a teddy bear at first (when you still like him), but he soon gets on your nerves because of his complete incompetence and total stupidity, and you soon see him simply as overweight and dull. Not to mention his bad taste, not to say lack of taste, which in this case is very important as he is in charge of the stereo of our open space and keeps playing all the shittiest tackiest Spanish songs, my daily hell. He is by the way considered the music expert by our wonderful boss.

Colleage n.2
Nicknamed la pute incompétente which litterally means the incompetent bitch. In a nutshell: a) she is as false as can be, pretends to be nice only to better shoot you behind your back; b) she seems to be smart at first, but it is soon visible that she only pretends to, which is basically worse than trouduc, because at least he is true to himself, he knows that he's stupid and he does not try to fool you. She, on the other hand, is convinced that she's smarter than anyone else. She always knows better; c) she also pretends to have good taste but likes the same exact BS as trouduc; d) last but not least she is sooo cool and hip; like Buenafuente, she calls everybody 'neng', the fashionable tacky expression these days.

The intern
No nickname to this day, since she is practically invisible. She got the internship through the lover of our boss, friend of her father. I am not kidding. What she does when she comes to the office remains a mistery. On the plus side, she's innocent and nice, which in this team is truly exceptional.

THE boss
Ah the boss! Often nicknamed the alcoholic simply because she's more often than not drunk or hungover. She's the cherry on the cake: false, overly friendly, incompetent, stupid, deceitful, in a continuous drunken spaced out state. She's also famous for hacerse la Sueca, never better said as she is Swedish (please understand for pretending not to see/hear) and sleeping around especially with the managers of the office, obviously not too discreetly.

So, now that you have a complete picture of my daily surroundings, I am sure you can better understand my nightmarish suffering. ¡Bienvenido sea agosto!

PS: yes, I am as busy and motivated as yesterday

PS2: phew, kurt is right, that was really therapeutical!

Current status

Feeling: lazy, bored and unmotivated

Physically located: in the office

Mentally located: everywhere but the office. Have been pretty much surfing the net all day long: blogs, job search, astrological previsions, travel deals, gossips, and much much more.

Reading: I started Atlas Shrugged as soon as I started my holidays and have been reading it every single day by the pool. Yet, I have still not finished it and I am seriously not a slow reader. The book has 1075 physical pages but seriously, it is written so small and condensed that each page counts double in my book. Other than that, I am loving it.

Listening to: mainly the last albums of Jack Johnson and Coldplay, even if the holidays included a variety of genres ranging from Madonna's 80s hits to Bob Marley.

Looking forward to: Nat's visit this weekend which promises, not to say ensures a wild and intense mission of quemar Madrid; Marc coming back for a week in August; the jornada intensiva starting in August (which basically means starting early, around 9am and leaving extra early, around 3pm); being the only one in the office (and thus being able to cheat on the jornada intensiva official hours) and spending the afternoon at my uncle's pool two blocks away from the office!

Eating: After a quite healthy diet during the holidays, consisting of lots of fruits and vegetables, I have decided to try to continue even if it is not as easy when I work. Let's see how I do and if I loose some weight at last (seeing myself in the pics from the holidays has horrified me!)

Back...

... from absofuckinglutely fantastic holidays

... in Madrid and its 'youmaycallit' desert heat (even if it has cooled down an itsy bit)

... to being alone: M left today =(

... in the office, as unmotivated as humanly possible

... in the 'waiting' (Mercedes Benz called on July 11th to inform M that they had chosen another candidate...)

day @ the pool

on vacation

On vacation
Back on July 18th