Thursday, August 24, 2006

Wounded

She has tried many times to talk to him. But every time she has, he has made her feel worse. Justifying himself and blaming everything on her. He is much better with words than she is. She therefore gave up on telling him how she feels a long time ago. But that does not solve the problem.

Many things he has done or said have hurt her. All these little things have created knots and they are eating her inside. She tries to ignore them. She tries to ignore the problem. She acts with him as if everything was perfect, although not being herself. But then another of his words, actions or lack of one penetrates her stomach like a dagger. Another knot is born. Another knot to join all the others. She can feel them wanting to explode and burst out of her throat. Sometimes they’re so strong she can’t help the tears falling down her cheeks silently. Not a sound comes out of her. She knows better than that. She can’t utter a word. She might drown in the avalanche of her own words if she let’s the first word out. For nothing as he won’t understand. And his defense will make her feel even worse. For he is much better with words than she is.

No, now is not the time yet. She does not feel ready to talk to him. She is not strong enough. Maybe she will never be. Or maybe he won’t be alive anymore when she finally is. He is getting older. She is petrified by the idea of him dying. For she loves him madly. Despite all the injustice he is putting her through. She is not angry at him. She already forgave him. She simply wishes he would open his eyes and be fair again. For there was a time when he was a just man.

1 comment:

uma b. said...

What has he done to you??