Tuesday, August 30, 2005

In the air

I don't know what's in the air these days. Everyone is coming back from holidays, school is about to start again and all this is bringing stress and pressure into our lives. Certainly into my professional life.

I do know that after a stressful workday and physical exercise, I should be able to sleep. I am exhausted, mentally and physically, but the minute I turn the light off, I toss and turn and cannot find sleep. But my sleeping disorder is old news.

I also know that something is the matter. I almost burst into tears last night, for no known reason.

Friends are falling into depressions, crying for no particular reason, some are particularly edgy. What is in the air these days?

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Broke but proud

I had no idea my new resolution would be so difficult to achieve. And I am not referring to the obvious effort and profuse sweat implied by going to the various classes and machine and cardio trainings after so many months of not exercising. Nope. I am referring to finding a gym conveniently located, nice, modern, and within my budget. I seriously had no idea what an impossible mission this would be.

I visited all the gyms near and between my office and my home, thus experiencing the whole array of types of gyms, from cheapest to most expensive, tiny to huge, filthy to clean, modern to completely outdated, renovated to vanished, with or without provided towels, snobbish to macarra, etc. My expectations soon needed to be revised: there was no way I could get everything I wanted. It was apparently very naïve of me to request a clean modern gym open 7 days a week for a maximum of 50€ per month. Unless of course I paid the whole year in advance, boom 600€ upfront, thus surely loosing money as I will not stay in Madrid for so long. They all immediately f*** you over as soon as you try to register as a monthly member: no gym offered anything under 65€/month under these conditions. Not even the tiny shitty outdated ones! This to me is a clear sign of underdevelopment. Going to a gym should not be a luxury; anyone living in a modern European city like Madrid should be able to afford it, and prices should most certainly be adapted to the city’s cost of life.

Anyhow, I ended up keeping some of my priorities which are essential for me to actually go to the gym regularly. But I certainly did have to give in on my budget. There’s no way in hell I’ll be able to save money anymore! On the other hand, nothing can take away how proud I am of myself.

PS: my body is already aching very much from yesterday’s bodytonic class. Ouch!

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

It's up to me

‘I am not in a good place right now.’ I always found that expression quite funny and vague. It can mean so many things, as in ‘not really happy’, a ‘bit sad’ or depressed, or simply ‘not satisfied with oneself.’ Every time I heard it though, it always referred to a mental state of mind and was never meant literally; the bad place had nothing to do with geographical location.

Lately I really feel like I am not in a good place. By this I don’t mean that I am depressed or that I don’t enjoy being in Madrid any longer. Rather that I don’t feel as good as I usually do and that I maybe tend to see things negatively lately. The wait is affecting me at last. I yearn for change. All in all not a good place.

I have however decided to do something about it. One thing I have learned in this life is that we all have the power to change things around. It’s up to me. And so I have decided that going to a gym to exercise and unwind after a workday will make me feel much better about myself. In the meantime.

Monday, August 22, 2005

All I still want

I had not felt this way in a very long time. Years, actually. Back in Miami I often felt it, especially during the last year or two, when all I wanted was to be back in Europe. When all I wanted was to be with you.

Now that we are together, now that I know how right it feels to be with you, the one I had been waiting for all my life, I really did not expect to feel this lonely ever again. But it does make sense, as I find myself dying to be elsewhere once again and all I still want is to be with you.

Friday, August 19, 2005

Almost anywhere

This week is being so slow and boring. Madrid is litterally empty, everything is closed for vacation, the heat continues and yet the clouds make the afternoons at the pool absurd, and my presence at work is required every day as the sole responsible for our departement although absolutely nothing is going on. I can't even look forward to this weekend for I have zero plans and it most certainly will be lonesome and uneventful.

I am however looking forward to something I want to share with you. As our Switzerland job search has not given positive results and our patience to live together is close to running out, (not to mention the fact that I now urgently need a new professional challenge,) we have decided to widen our options. Indeed, we are now looking for any interesting job almost anywhere. Well, actually limited to Europe preferably. And so, we are now waiting for feedback from London, which we should have next week. When positive, we will be in London by the end of September. I realize that the weather is shitty, the city absurdly expensive, the Brits quite special, but I gotta tell you: I love the idea of living there with M for a couple of years. I have always been drawn to London, don' ask me why. Actually if you know me well enough, I think you'll understand exactly why. Additionally, it will be great for both of us at a professional level. All in all I reckon a brilliant idea. Yet unbelievable and at the same time oh so exciting! Most of all something to look forward to.

Friday, August 12, 2005

The why and the what

This whole thing started when I simply registered to blogger to be able to post non-anymous comments on Uma b's blog. The space registered to my name then remained there, empty and liveless for a few months. Until October of last year when I suddenly felt the urge to write. Uma b had just announced to me that she was going to have a baby. My childhood friend, my Summer partner in crime and confident since I am 11 years old was going to be a mother. This was huge news. The impact of this announcement was such that I found myself writing a second post. I needed to analyse what I felt and try to find words for it.

Again it remained untouched until months later, after Uma b had given birth to a gorgeous baby boy. I found myself at a turning point and needed to analyse my feelings once again. So much was happening in my life. It was just about to change completely and even if I had wished for it for a long time, I felt panick. And as soon as I started writing and posting, I felt good. It was therapeutical. It became my analyst whom I had always wished for.

Another trigger was the geographical loss of yet another friend. My friend and coworker Nat had left Madrid, thus joining my long-distance group of friends. With international moves, job changes and travels you are indeed doomed to have a one of those groups. And so I realised that my blog could be more than my therapeutical space to speak out and express my thoughts and feelings. It could become a way to keep in touch with those very special friends who are not necessarily a phone call away.

So there you have it. These are the reasons behind Lovely Planète. The thing is, I don't know if I am so happy with it as is. I have a feeling it's too spread. It lacks shape, form. Identity. Or something. I just don't know what. And I can't help but wonder what that what is.

One, two, three, catorce!

The concert was fantastic! The sound was incredible, the atmosphere among the 56 million people who attended magic, the selection between new and old songs quite good, even if it could have been better imho. Click here to see more pics, but don't expect too much: the bright lights in the background of the stage made it quite impossible most of the time (probably on purpose.) Not to mention the fact that the vomitorio 49 was a tomar por culo (i.e. far as in butt fucking Egypt)

Thursday, August 11, 2005


Annoyed: by my stupid co-worker's continuous phone calls on loudspeaker

Counting: the hours till tonight's concert

Devouring: Tony Parson's 'Man and Boy'

Feeling: rested after a good light sleep at last

Glad: the rain has stopped, the sun is shining and the temperatures are surprisingly bearable

Hungry: for fresh juicy fruits

Identifying: with Roberto Benigni in 'Down by law' as he told his cellmates 'if looks could kill, I would be dead'; same look I just got from from my co-worker.

Thinking: what to pack in my carry-on for the long weekend in Germany where rain, showers and fresh temperatures await me.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Let the sun shine!

The sun is trying to stick its head out, and the rain and clouds are still threatening. Please let the sun shine!
No, despite appearances my blog has not turned into a Madrid wheather blog. But:
a) I have too much free time on my hands/ no work to do/ bored with connection to the net
b) I'd really really like to go to the pool after the office
c) It just dawned on me that the concert tomorrow is outdoors and even if rain is an exception in August in Madrid, exceptions tend to happen just when you don't want them to, right?


Ladies and Gentlemen, today Wednesday August 10th, it is actually raining in Madrid. Not mosquito pee, no siree; actual rain which makes you soaking wet. Soaking wet as I now sit in the office wearing my ridiculous wet summer alfit with blasting AC. Yes ladies and gentlemen, some people women still feel hot today, as every single day and therefore need to blast the AC at freezing temperatures. Blame it on their menopausal flashes!

And so, going back to the main topic of rain, we Madrilians who have been complaining of the complete absence of rain for months now, today we also complain as our plans to go to the pool after work tombent à l'eau (French expression which means fall in the water, i.e. vanish, go to hell.) Never better said.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

With the tix in hands

going to the concert is a REALITY

Monday, August 08, 2005


Bugged: by M's departure this morning. This unbearable heat!

Busy: blogging and surfing the web.

Counting: the days until my co-workers are ALL gone on holidays, i.e. 5 days to go.

Desiring: Jumping in a fresh pool (definitely tomorrow.) Jumping on a train to San Lorenzo and spending the afternoon with Uma b. and Duke B (hopefully Wednesday.)

Feeling: a mix of unmotivation/laziness and flying on cloud 69.

Listening to: White Stripes' Seven Nation Army.

Looking forward to: U2's concert this Thursday and jumping on a plane to Germany on Friday for the long weekend.

Needing: to look for job offers and send my cv.

Reading: Just finished Susan Fletcher's 'Eve Green' (and feeling pretty blah about it) and will start Tony Parsons' 'Man and boy' today.

Wishing and hoping: for the very much anticipated move to Switzerland. Can anyone out there please give us a job?!?

Friday, August 05, 2005

Illegal aliens

The heat is back in the city. Thankfully my workday ends at 15h with the jornada intensiva (since Monday and until August 31st) which means spending the afternoon at my uncle's pool with M (yes he's back in Madrid for 1 week vacation and yes he has loads of vacation.) The only bearable place to be except for air-conditioned places and home with all the windows and blinds closed (option which would make me look like a vampire instead of having this beautiful tan!)

My uncle lives in a horrible condo building near my office, meaning also in an uncentered uninteresting neighbourhood. However, his horrible building shares a quite nice large pool with two other horrible condo buildings and so I get to use it whenever I want during the summer and I don't need to look like a condom like others. So I need to pretend that I live there as only the residents of the condos are allowed to use the pool area, as they pay for it. The swim guard who is supposed to be checking that is not the problem, he doesn't give a shit. The real guards are the old marujas of the condos (by marujas please understand the bored gossipy housewives) who spend their entire days by the pool, grouped together to better gossip about everyone and everything as they are more frustrated and bitter than ever since their entire families left on holidays without them.

We have been careful and lucky until now, as they have not rightfully accused us of illegally using their pool (even if it is empty except for them and us anyway,) but the truth is that we are always walking on eggshells while there: we make sure to arrive in pool clothes as if we were coming from our condo (by going to my uncle's flat to change beforehand as he too is away on vacation,) we are as discreet as humanly possible and try to make ourselves invisible, we almost whisper as I am sure that they will immediately kick us out if they hear us talking in English, we lay as further away from them as possible, etc. Silly I know, and most probably useless, but I cannot take the risk to be forbidden from the pool for the rest of the long and lonely month of August that awaits me! What on Earth would become of me?!

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Sue Ellen's latest attempt

If you read my previous post describing the people I work with, you already have a pretty good idea of my boss, who has a new nickname by the way: Sue Ellen (please refer to the all-time classic Dallas Tv show, and for all you youngsters who are not familiar with it, too bad, you missed something BIG.)

Well, Sue Ellen is definitely not to be trusted. In any way. N E V E R. However, she has been trying to win my trust lately, by referring me for a job in Switzerland for example. Sorry Sue, does not work. Will never work. I will however not be as mean as to refuse her favors!

Her very last attempt is to invite me and the NPI (my co-worker's nickname i.e. N the incompetent bitch) to the very much anticipated illdoanythingtogetaticket U2 concert in Madrid next Thursday the 11th. She has even planned pre-concert drinks at her nearby flat. I am definitely stunned. And very excited about going to the concert. Too bad I'll be with both of them but hey I get to go to a very cool concert so who cares. Besides Sue will definitely be in her drunken state which at least makes her laughable at. So the hardest part of the evening will be to ignore the other one.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005


I did not understand why he insisted so much on going out to dinner Saturday. 'I don't feel very good, the fridge is full, let's dine in tonight and you'll take me out during the week' I kept replying. As I came back from the kitchen with our plates, I was puzzled to find a little black ribonned box awaiting for me.

Not at all how I expected to be asked, nor what I expected to be asked. Which led me to misunderstand him and feel completely disoriented. Definitely a cultural difference. And a very special manifestion of love. I now have no idea what to expect next. Expectations suck.