Sometimes you think you know. You feel it. Call it gut feeling, call it 6th sense. I was so sure of it. I was so certain, j'en aurais mis ma main au feu... But I found out today that I was wrong. Disappointing.
Showing posts with label therapeutical blogging. Show all posts
Showing posts with label therapeutical blogging. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
News briefs
It's been 10 days since the wedding. My feet still have blisters from it.
Not even kidding.
I had my 4th interview for theperfectzurichjob yesterday. It was the hardest and most stressful interview in my life. Overall positive. Me thinks.
No no, I did not apply for the position of President of the company.
A third balloon was found. We received the card per post yesterday. This one traveled approx.120km (found in Martigny Valais).
Truly amazing. Maybe miracles do happen sometimes.
My grandmother has finally forgiven me on Mother's day. Thanks to flowers and a phone call.
I did not apologize, not seeing a ground for it, not wanting to enter her stupid game.
Planning a trip to Ikea today. Looking forward to it.
Which will hopefully not become one of my famous ikea shopping crazes.
Your eyes are not mistaken. You are not hallucinating. The time of this post is correct.
Big time insomnia.
Not even kidding.
I had my 4th interview for theperfectzurichjob yesterday. It was the hardest and most stressful interview in my life. Overall positive. Me thinks.
No no, I did not apply for the position of President of the company.
A third balloon was found. We received the card per post yesterday. This one traveled approx.120km (found in Martigny Valais).
Truly amazing. Maybe miracles do happen sometimes.
My grandmother has finally forgiven me on Mother's day. Thanks to flowers and a phone call.
I did not apologize, not seeing a ground for it, not wanting to enter her stupid game.
Planning a trip to Ikea today. Looking forward to it.
Which will hopefully not become one of my famous ikea shopping crazes.
Your eyes are not mistaken. You are not hallucinating. The time of this post is correct.
Big time insomnia.
Friday, February 02, 2007
Ironically stressed
I have been going through a bit of a rough time lately. Leaving the job after two weeks was the right decision, but it has affected me more than I thought it would. The first ten days went by like a breeze, and then it caught up with me. Stress. Purely mental of course. Desillusion. Too many thoughts fighting in my head. Too much pressure to take decisions, to know where to now.
Although I feel better now, and I am more less letting myself grow with the flow, my body is telling me otherwise. I have physical reactions to my mental state. Naturally. Skin problems, backache, etc. Additionally, I am not part of the fortunates who loose weight with stress. Quite the opposite. I eat more. I also suddenly find myself being unable to take any decision whatsoever. Instead of doing and thinking afterwards, i.e. being my normal Aries self, I simply have stopped doing. And thinking.
Ironical if you ask me. I have always worked well under stress/pressure. But I don't seem to be doing so well under no pressure. Correction: under the high pressure I put on myself.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Lost
I need to make choices. I simply cannot go on like this, waiting for it to happen, it being anything that will take me to the next phase of my life. Where to next? My choices are limited and none of them is perfect.
Should I focus on my career and look for a new interesting challenging job? Even if that means moving again, going back to a situation similar to Madrid, seeing M only on the weekends? Not exactly how I had envisioned my married life. And it does feel a bit like going backwards, throwing away what was achieved in the last year. Should I then prioritize my couple, stay in Hanover and recycle professionally, i.e. forget about my career, my experience, and do something totally new? Or should I rather fulfill my desire to have a child, although being in Hanover and living only on one salary is far from the perfect setting? Ni puta idea. I feel completely lost.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Wounded
She has tried many times to talk to him. But every time she has, he has made her feel worse. Justifying himself and blaming everything on her. He is much better with words than she is. She therefore gave up on telling him how she feels a long time ago. But that does not solve the problem.
Many things he has done or said have hurt her. All these little things have created knots and they are eating her inside. She tries to ignore them. She tries to ignore the problem. She acts with him as if everything was perfect, although not being herself. But then another of his words, actions or lack of one penetrates her stomach like a dagger. Another knot is born. Another knot to join all the others. She can feel them wanting to explode and burst out of her throat. Sometimes they’re so strong she can’t help the tears falling down her cheeks silently. Not a sound comes out of her. She knows better than that. She can’t utter a word. She might drown in the avalanche of her own words if she let’s the first word out. For nothing as he won’t understand. And his defense will make her feel even worse. For he is much better with words than she is.
No, now is not the time yet. She does not feel ready to talk to him. She is not strong enough. Maybe she will never be. Or maybe he won’t be alive anymore when she finally is. He is getting older. She is petrified by the idea of him dying. For she loves him madly. Despite all the injustice he is putting her through. She is not angry at him. She already forgave him. She simply wishes he would open his eyes and be fair again. For there was a time when he was a just man.
Many things he has done or said have hurt her. All these little things have created knots and they are eating her inside. She tries to ignore them. She tries to ignore the problem. She acts with him as if everything was perfect, although not being herself. But then another of his words, actions or lack of one penetrates her stomach like a dagger. Another knot is born. Another knot to join all the others. She can feel them wanting to explode and burst out of her throat. Sometimes they’re so strong she can’t help the tears falling down her cheeks silently. Not a sound comes out of her. She knows better than that. She can’t utter a word. She might drown in the avalanche of her own words if she let’s the first word out. For nothing as he won’t understand. And his defense will make her feel even worse. For he is much better with words than she is.
No, now is not the time yet. She does not feel ready to talk to him. She is not strong enough. Maybe she will never be. Or maybe he won’t be alive anymore when she finally is. He is getting older. She is petrified by the idea of him dying. For she loves him madly. Despite all the injustice he is putting her through. She is not angry at him. She already forgave him. She simply wishes he would open his eyes and be fair again. For there was a time when he was a just man.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Mongui surroundings
As I mentioned yesterday I cannot wait till my dear 'mongui' colleagues leave on holidays (by mongui please understand mentally retarded.) I have only been back in the office for 3 days now and I am already fed up. Let me try to expain why.
Colleague n.1
Nicknamed trouduc which litterally means asshole in French. He is the typical overly nice and sweet guy who looks a bit like a teddy bear at first (when you still like him), but he soon gets on your nerves because of his complete incompetence and total stupidity, and you soon see him simply as overweight and dull. Not to mention his bad taste, not to say lack of taste, which in this case is very important as he is in charge of the stereo of our open space and keeps playing all the shittiest tackiest Spanish songs, my daily hell. He is by the way considered the music expert by our wonderful boss.
Colleage n.2
Nicknamed la pute incompétente which litterally means the incompetent bitch. In a nutshell: a) she is as false as can be, pretends to be nice only to better shoot you behind your back; b) she seems to be smart at first, but it is soon visible that she only pretends to, which is basically worse than trouduc, because at least he is true to himself, he knows that he's stupid and he does not try to fool you. She, on the other hand, is convinced that she's smarter than anyone else. She always knows better; c) she also pretends to have good taste but likes the same exact BS as trouduc; d) last but not least she is sooo cool and hip; like Buenafuente, she calls everybody 'neng', the fashionable tacky expression these days.
The intern
No nickname to this day, since she is practically invisible. She got the internship through the lover of our boss, friend of her father. I am not kidding. What she does when she comes to the office remains a mistery. On the plus side, she's innocent and nice, which in this team is truly exceptional.
THE boss
Ah the boss! Often nicknamed the alcoholic simply because she's more often than not drunk or hungover. She's the cherry on the cake: false, overly friendly, incompetent, stupid, deceitful, in a continuous drunken spaced out state. She's also famous for hacerse la Sueca, never better said as she is Swedish (please understand for pretending not to see/hear) and sleeping around especially with the managers of the office, obviously not too discreetly.
So, now that you have a complete picture of my daily surroundings, I am sure you can better understand my nightmarish suffering. ¡Bienvenido sea agosto!
Colleague n.1
Nicknamed trouduc which litterally means asshole in French. He is the typical overly nice and sweet guy who looks a bit like a teddy bear at first (when you still like him), but he soon gets on your nerves because of his complete incompetence and total stupidity, and you soon see him simply as overweight and dull. Not to mention his bad taste, not to say lack of taste, which in this case is very important as he is in charge of the stereo of our open space and keeps playing all the shittiest tackiest Spanish songs, my daily hell. He is by the way considered the music expert by our wonderful boss.
Colleage n.2
Nicknamed la pute incompétente which litterally means the incompetent bitch. In a nutshell: a) she is as false as can be, pretends to be nice only to better shoot you behind your back; b) she seems to be smart at first, but it is soon visible that she only pretends to, which is basically worse than trouduc, because at least he is true to himself, he knows that he's stupid and he does not try to fool you. She, on the other hand, is convinced that she's smarter than anyone else. She always knows better; c) she also pretends to have good taste but likes the same exact BS as trouduc; d) last but not least she is sooo cool and hip; like Buenafuente, she calls everybody 'neng', the fashionable tacky expression these days.
The intern
No nickname to this day, since she is practically invisible. She got the internship through the lover of our boss, friend of her father. I am not kidding. What she does when she comes to the office remains a mistery. On the plus side, she's innocent and nice, which in this team is truly exceptional.
THE boss
Ah the boss! Often nicknamed the alcoholic simply because she's more often than not drunk or hungover. She's the cherry on the cake: false, overly friendly, incompetent, stupid, deceitful, in a continuous drunken spaced out state. She's also famous for hacerse la Sueca, never better said as she is Swedish (please understand for pretending not to see/hear) and sleeping around especially with the managers of the office, obviously not too discreetly.
So, now that you have a complete picture of my daily surroundings, I am sure you can better understand my nightmarish suffering. ¡Bienvenido sea agosto!
PS: yes, I am as busy and motivated as yesterday
PS2: phew, kurt is right, that was really therapeutical!
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