relationships

I don't know why maintaining good relationships is so darn hard. But I find myself having to watch what I say and what not more often than wished these days. Why can't we just be diplomatically honest to each other without hurting each other's feelings? Why are relationships so delicate? Why do we take everything so personal?

Fortunately, I just cleared a misunderstanding that had been going on for the past month with my mother yesterday. Whether I expressed myself wrong or whether she understood me wrong does not matter. The fact is it happened, with my mother, with whom I have an excellent relationship and truly thought such a misunderstanding would never occur. Maybe the fact that I want everyone I love to like each other is the cause to all my problems. After all, I also don't like everyone my loved ones love.

the question is ...

... what's not on YouTube? What a precious find. A short movie about my father's career.

back to reality

We are finally back from Miami. We returned with a bit of a suntan, lots of jetlag, a bigger and rounder pregnant belly, a whole bag full of adorable baby clothes we bought and lovely presents we got at the surprise baby shower for our little girl, and many extra kilos in our own suitcases. M caught my sister's flu, meaning we had to postpone our return flight to the 18th. He's never sick, but when he is, he gets the whole nine yards!

The vacation however was great. Spending time with my family felt wonderful. We shopped till we dropped with my mother, dined to our heart's and stomach's contempt with my father and his wife, and did a few excursions all together on the weekends such as renting a boat for a day. The return to reality is being quite hard, with the jetlag, the temperature change, etc. but thankfully M was prescribed sick days till the end of the week, so we can slowly readapt together to our normal german life. Don't know if it's all the vitamins I'm taking to fight M's virus, or if she's also jetlagged, but our little girl is doing aerobics in my stomach these days. Let's see if we can get rid of it - it being the jetlag, although getting rid of the aerobics would please me as well - before Nat comes to visit this weekend...

Lost

I need to make choices. I simply cannot go on like this, waiting for it to happen, it being anything that will take me to the next phase of my life. Where to next? My choices are limited and none of them is perfect.

Should I focus on my career and look for a new interesting challenging job? Even if that means moving again, going back to a situation similar to Madrid, seeing M only on the weekends? Not exactly how I had envisioned my married life. And it does feel a bit like going backwards, throwing away what was achieved in the last year. Should I then prioritize my couple, stay in Hanover and recycle professionally, i.e. forget about my career, my experience, and do something totally new? Or should I rather fulfill my desire to have a child, although being in Hanover and living only on one salary is far from the perfect setting? Ni puta idea. I feel completely lost.

Unexpected lastminute family trip

I cannot believe it. I probably won't believe it till I'm there. The whole thing happened so unexpectedly and so fast, my stepmother suddenly telling my mother to join them (my father and her) during our family wedding dinner, M immediately whispering to me that I should go with ("enjoy it for both of us since I can unfortunately not come along"), looking for lastminute tickets online, getting our touristcards...

It is happening though. I am flying to Havana Cuba with my mother on Sunday, meeting my stepmother and father there, as well as my brother who is "living" there for a couple of months; we'll spend 8 days there during the Film Festival, rediscovering Havana (for the second time for me), showing it to my mother who's never been there, living the soon-to-disappear Havana from Castro, watching artsy independant films, and as Hemingway said, drinking "my mojito in la Bodeguita, my daiquiri in el Floridita!"

I don't know what good I have done to deserve this. But I feel truly blessed.

Just married

It's official, we are now legally married. Friday was a beautiful sunny day, and we celebrated our civil wedding surrounded by all our close family, all except Yaya of course, who had to stay in Switzerland in the hospital. But my mother was there, which made me extremely happy. Everything went according to plan and we all had a wonderful time, smiling and laughing the entire day and well into the night. And to think it was only a warm-up and we will top that in May!

Civil wedding

In two days we will celebrate our civil wedding in Hannover's altes Rathaus. Because it is was only a formality for us, I was very surprised to see that my mother, father, and grandmother immediately decided to come to Hannover for the occasion, and spend the weekend all together. M’s parents consider November 24th as our real wedding day and have therefore organized the entire dinner celebration with both of our families. What was supposed to be a simple formality turned into a family event, we soon both looked forward to.

Everything is ready for the big day. Or at least everything was, as my grandmother will now most probably be unable to come, being sick in bed since last Thursday. Yaya can’t eat, can’t sleep, is therefore weak, and has pains in her stomach. The ultrasound showed nothing today, and so the next step is a blood test. My mother is extremely worried and will decide tomorrow, if she herself can come or if she needs to stay in Switzerland with her. I simply cannot imagine both my grandmother and my mother not being here on Friday. I honestly don’t know how I’ll be able to truly enjoy it without them there.

Stepmother problems

Organising this whole wedding thing has been tough. There are so many decisions that we had to take (where, when, with whom, etc.) and still so many others that we will have to take (menu, flowers, cake, music, seating, etc.), I sometimes feel overwhelmed. Although today I am not overwhelmed, but rather upset and frustrated. My stepmother has apparently been verbally inviting her brothers and sisters to our wedding, obviously without consulting us. And without knowing that we have a maximum seating capacity of 80, who have all already been invited. As we had to set her straight in a very diplomatic and nice way, it was extremely upsetting to read her vexed emails today. It must not be easy being a stepmother. That must be why she feels so sidelined, as she says. She's bothered because she was not consulted about our guest list. Nobody was. And my own father and mother are not bothered by it. A clear sign of lack of confidence on my stepmother's part I would say.

Our last Summer

We're finally leaving. On Summer holidays that is. We're heading to the south of Spain as every year, but this time it really is our last Summer in Rancho Chico, as the highway will be built this Fall. As a result, we'll be getting lots of visits during our stay, as Günter and Monika will be coming with M's nephew, little M, as well as my Mother, Father, and sister. I regret not to be able to spend these three weeks relaxing alone with M, although I'm also glad to be able to share our oasis before it's completely gone.

Happy Summer! And see you in 3 weeks!

Tambo

I have a sister. Well a step-sister to be exact from my Dad's second marriage. She's ten years younger than me and a quite typical Miami girl. I love her dearly, even if she drives me completely nuts sometimes, and even if I really do not know her so well. At least not as good as I'd imagine sisters know each other. Blame it on the ten years difference, but mostly on shortly having lived together and definitely being raised very differently.

My sister Tambo sent me one of those 'get to know each other' forwards, which I want to share with you as I 1. find some of her answers hillarious and 2. some others have really surprised me. So here it goes:

WELCOME TO THE 2006 EDITION OF GETTING TO KNOW YOUR FRIENDS. WHAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO IS COPY (NOT FORWARD) THIS ENTIRE E-MAIL AND PASTE IT ONTO A NEW E-MAIL THAT YOU'LL SEND. CHANGE ALL THE ANSWERS SO THEY APPLY TO YOU THEN SEND THIS TO A WHOLE BUNCH OF PEOPLE INCLUDING THE PERSON WHO SENT IT TO YOU. THE THEORY IS THAT YOU WILL LEARN A LOT OF LITTLE THINGS ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS THAT YOU WOULDN'T FIND OUT OTHERWISE.

1. WHAT TIME DID YOU GET UP THIS MORNING? it was afternoon
2. DIAMONDS OR PEARLS? i prefer diamonds
3. WHAT WAS THE LAST FILM YOU SAW AT THE CINEMA? just saw "Lucky # Slevin" with Josh Hartnett, what a hunk!
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW? Family Guy now I guess. I really enjoy Conan and the late night talk shows.
5. WHAT DID YOU HAVE FOR BREAKFAST? Today none bc Im broke. I dont usually do breakfast but I love a double shot of wheatgrass and a fresh squeezed fruit juice like from Liquiteria in NYC. I drink coffee when I need it. I aim for bloodymary's on Sunday for brunch w Abbey at Front Porch on Ocean.
6. WHAT IS YOUR MIDDLE NAME? AIDA like the play on broadway. Its my Cuban grandmothers name (moms side)... I was named after her... Aida Prado
7. FAVORITE CUISINE? I love so many!! I love sushi! I love Thai! I love Italian, French is to die for, Indian is like another world in your mouth, Spain's got the Tapas, I love a good cheesburger! Flanigans!! Switzerland!!! Fondu and Raclet!! yummy! I cant decide. I'm a soup kinda girl 2.
8. WHAT FOODS DO YOU DISLIKE? I dont like anything GOOGLY like Oysters, Jello, raw egg. bleaghh! no jiggling aloud!
9. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CHIP FLAVOR? BBQ!! I love Lays BBQ! or Classic.
10.WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CD AT THE MOMENT? I think its T.I. but I'm getting over it.
11.WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU DRIVE? my little bro's black jeep. thanx roddy! haha!
12.FAVORITE SANDWICH? I choose Turkey, swiss, mayo, honey mustard, lettuce, tom, onion, salt pepper, and i like it to b pressed. I love this one at Quiznos too but forgot the name of it.
13.WHAT CHARACTERISTIC DO YOU DESPISE? I hate flaky people, ones who dont do what they say they will and sellout. the worst!
14.FAVORITE ITEM OF CLOTHING? I love wifebeaters and jeans. I love miniskirts! I love lingerie! I would like to spend lots of $$ on beautiful expensive lingerie one of these days.... maybe my next paycheck if I'm not in debt by then w my parents!! lol!
15.IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD ON VACATION, WHERE WOULD YOU GO? I would go to St. Barths and relax. Egypt to see the pyramids, Brazil to check out some cute boys, Paris on a shopping spree if a hottie wants to pick up the tab. Hey why not? Burningman because Im dying to find the right crew to go on this very important journey with me... (u guys have no idea! its going to be the best trip of my life!)
16. FAVORITE BRAND OF CLOTHING? Well lets see... I like Stella McCartney and Chloe I buy lots of vintage crap in general though. I love Gucci, McQueen etc. I should have my own.
17.TO WHERE WOULD YOU RETIRE? I want to retire maybe somewhere with coast and cliffs and fine sandy beaches and breeze. Somewhere like Ibiza but without all the partying. I want chill moonlit nights with friends, wine and music. I want someone around who will make my bed with clean sheets and someone to drive my sailboat.
18.WHAT WAS YOUR MOST MEMORABLE BIRTHDAY? I forgot. I forget those things, but if u remind me I might remember.
19. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? I like watching those crazy kids do karate chops on the mat with a stick and hearing the soundeffects they make.... Haiya! its halarious!
20. FURTHEST PLACE YOU ARE SENDING THIS? whoever is on my list
21.WHO DO YOU LEAST EXPECT TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? I dont expect anyone to fill this out.
22. PERSON YOU EXPECT TO SEND IT BACK FIRST? It will be like luck of the draw. no idea. I know nobody that predictable.
23. GOAL YOU HAVE FOR YOURSELF? I'm shooting for a well renowned fashion stylist. Maybe dress some celebs or style some campaigns nothing too big... im not entirely doing this for money or fame its for the love i have for this type of art. I think I could be retty good at it though!!
24. WHEN IS YOUR BIRTHDAY? 2-15-84 the day after valentines people!
25. WHEN IS YOUR ANNIVERSARY? I'm not married and far from it.
26. ARE YOU A MORNING PERSON OR A NIGHT PERSON? im a night person, but I wish i was more of a morning person.
27. WHAT IS YOUR SHOE SIZE? 7.5 or 8
28. PETS? someday a dog. maybe a french bulldog, hopefully one that wont drool or smell or shed or bark or shit for that matter! jk i will clean his shit ok! it'll be my little baby.
29. ANY NEW AND EXCITING NEWS YOU'D LIKE TO SHARE WITH US? Yes my house in the south of Spain (Granada to be exact) will be bulldozed for a highway to be built on it and through it. Its a sad moment for my family. Its full of history and love. My dad practically built it with his bare hands in his hippy days... its an amazing avocado farm with a huge Olympic sized swimming pool. Its name is "Rancho Chico" (Little Ranch). I'm thinking about inviting everyone who may wana come and throwing a huge party! anyone? consider this ur invitation.
30. WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE? I always wanted to be a supermodel ...then a fashion designer, then an art director and now a stylist. Am i going down or up hill?
32. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CANDY? I love Sour patch kids! red and green only
33. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLOWER? a lot of em. Whatever ones u wana give me.
34. WHAT IS A DATE ON THE CALENDAR YOU ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO? A wedding in May in LA that I may go to. moving back to nyc in june, and Burningman.
35. WHERE IS THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE EVER BEEN FROM HOME? pretty far
36. SMALL THING YOU REALLY ENJOY? sleep, eating, beach time, boating, magazines, talking shit etc

Element of discord

It all began with a comment. A comment to be nice. A comment to make conversation. 'What a nice teapot!' I happened to say to M's mother one day. And I did find it nice. In her house. But I cannot say that I was happy as I opened my Christmas present from M's parents last December: the famous teapot every woman in M's family has in her household. I was actually horrified. For anyone who knows me well, that modern teapot is just not me. It just does not fit in my home.

I obviously fainted thankfullness in front of his parents, but could not lie to M afterwards. Naive me, I told him honestly how I felt about it. Which obviously led to a stupid argument. Aren't arguments between couples always caused by the stupidest worthless topics anyway? The goddamn teapot is since then the certain cause for conflict. The element of discord of our couple. I therefore never mention the word 'teapot' in front of M anymore. That word is now banished in our house. Please be advised if you ever come to visit and I serve you tea.

Thanksgiving tradition

I would have never thought that Thanksgiving would be something I'd miss from my eight years living in the States. Don't get me wrong, I don't miss the turkey (which tends to be always dry and insipid,) the green beens, mashed potatoes, and cranberry sauce (that last one makes me invariably and uncontrollably do a disgusted expression.) It's not even the two days off work. No, what I miss is everyone getting together for the long 4 day weekend. Family, or adopted family (when you have an American stepmother like me,) and friends who are in town alone, all come together that day. Wherever they live, they all jump on a plane/car and spend the holiday at home with their grandparents, brothers, cousins, sisters, nephews, children, and parents. It's a tradition that Americans observe religiously, and the spirit is beautiful: it's just about all getting together and having Thanksgiving dinner. No presents necessary unlike Christmas, the only other occasion when an entire family gets together. And that's what I actually miss, that special spirit of love, peace and forgiveness among all the guests.

If you ask me, it would be much better for us Non-Americans to adopt and copy the Thanksgiving tradition instead of the much less significant Halloween. And so I will celebrate it tonight in Madrid, with my father, my stepmother and my friend Amélie.

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!