Ups and downs

Life is full of ups and downs lately. I was up yesterday when a company finally hired me for a part-time consultant job. I am down today, after going to my third prenatal testing and the doctor spoke Chinese to me announcing that our 21 week old baby might have a kidney problem. A double collecting system of the kidney. Which is apparently a possible symptom of Down.

Doctors in this country are terrible. They are so money driven. They keep telling me that I need to have an amniocentesis because I am older than 35 and the risks of having a child with down syndrome is higher. But my friend who is a doctor and specialist in prenatal medicine in Spain assured me that it has been proven long ago that there is no link between down syndrome children and the age of the mother! I refuse to have an amniocentesis unless it is completely necessary. No matter what they tell you, it is invasive for the baby. And there is always a risk involved.

That thing called motherhood

I have no time to achieve anything other than taking care of Baby Em these days. Not that I have had plenty of time for myself for the last nine months. But the fact is that she's slowly sleeping less and less, her naps becoming shorter and more rare, her nights becoming shorter as well, and I fear that the situation is only going to get worse. She'll start walking soon, I mean she's already standing, so very soon I'll be running after her and will have even less time for myself.

How do other mothers do it? I spend every day and every hour with her, and don't see how I could have some free time other than leaving her with someone else, such as a babysitter. And I am not quite sure that I'm ready for that step yet. Probably soon though, as I seriously need time to start doing things like emptying the last boxes, organizing the closets, getting in shape, reading a book, going back to my sewing projects, just to name a few. Besides, affording a babysitter implies starting to work again. Definitely not there yet. I have enough in my plate as it is thank you.

I often wonder how mothers of more than one child manage everything. Two mothers of nine month old babies I know are already pregnant again, and they seem extatic. One of them is pregnant with her fourth. No joke. I am by no means saying that a second child is out of the question, but definitely not so early. I wouldn't even have my 1 and 1/2 hour of "free" time per day with that scenario. Thank you but no thank you. Not for me. Not yet at least.

M. sure seems to be ready for that second baby though, considering his reaction the other day:

me: "I have good news."

M.: "Tell me."

me: "Try guessing."

M.:"Hmmmm... you're pregnant?"

No need to continue how that conversation went, right? Point proven, he's ready. But he's not the one spending 24 hours a day with Baby Em, nursing her, changing her diapers, playing with her, carrying her, getting little sleep, having no social life, and in charge of a household. I guess if I were in his shoes, I'd be ready too. Hell, I'd even consider having more than 2 children. Fathers/men have it much easier imho. Yet I wouldn't change my place with him for anything in the world. I'd miss out on that incredible magical fullfilling beautiful and undescribable thing called motherhood.

Birthday baby

Emily is six months today. It's unbelievable how fast the time went by, how much she's grown and changed in such little time. After the very hard first three months with daily colics, we really have the impression now that she was not completely with us yet - which explains why they call that the missing fourth trimester.

Emily is now another baby. She is patient, curious, playful, loves to listen to music and singing (she actually sings with) and laughs a lot. She hates to lie on her stomach, but loves to sit up to watch everything around her. Her new discovery these days is doing v and b sounds all day long.

I actually cannot believe she's only been with us for six months. It's as she'd always been here.

Life with Emily

True to her genes - as punctual as a German and precise as a Swiss clock - Emily was born on the due date, i.e. June 3rd 2008. At 19h14 to be exact, after a 16 hour labor. To everyone's surprise, as my doctor had repeated during my entire pregnancy that Our Little One was a small baby, she weighed 3830 gr, measured 50 cm and had a 37 cm big head.

So much has happened since then. We are both back home since the 7th, M took the following week off which we spent all 3 together, my mother came to spend two weeks to help me, and I have been spending and treasuring every single second with Emily for three weeks now. I can't imagine my life without her, remember what it was like before she came. It's like if she'd always been around.

She had a very calm and quiet first week, and has grown nervous and impatient since her second week, having colics every evening for hours. We are trying everything, Sab simplex drops, the swaddling technique, the cherry pillow, reducing certain foods from my diet, but we haven't found THE magical remedy yet. If there even is one. We probably just need to wait the famous 3 months for it to pass. However, if you know of any other cure, I'm all ears.

Let it be

Just two days ago, I was so eager and ready to give birth that I was willing to try to provoke labor. Through old tricks like drinking 120 ml of castor oil. I am glad today that I didn't try that. Don't ask me why, but I suddenly see everything differently. With calm and patience. I feel zen. Let the baby come whenever she's ready. Let life follow its course. Which still means I'd be happy not to have to wait 12 days till the due date, as I can't wait to hold her in my arms.

Any day now

I went to my last doctor's appointment today, and she confirmed once again that everything was absolutely fine with both the baby and I. Our Little One now weighs approximately 3 kg and measures ca.50 cm. Also, her head is now fixed in the pelvis, probably thanks to last week's acupuncture's session, so in summary everything is perfect and ready for an imminent birth. And imminent is what I wish at this point, as waiting for another 2 weeks until the actual planned date seems to me like an eternity... Come on Darling, time to come out! Time to start doing what Mommy tells you!

Baby corner

It took me a while, but I'm finally done with the first self-made baby projects, which fit very nicely in the little baby corner I set up in our bedroom. Yes, she will sleep in her crib in our room in the beginning, so that I don't have to cross the flat three times per night to feed her and/or change her. Regardless of other people's opinion.

So, as you can see we have the crib (which was leant to us by sus and I simply personalised a bit with some nice Ikea baby stuff,) the changing station, as well as the self-made wallpockets (to organize and store) and the hanging hearts (a ritual I plan to copy from sus: ringing its bell each time the changing of the baby is finished.)

Other than that, we also bought the baby carseat and ordered the stroller, meaning we're doing pretty darn good timewise, I know, but there are still sooooo many things I need to buy/search/make/organize/decide before she comes. And that will happen very soon: only 76 days left, or maybe even less!

back to reality

We are finally back from Miami. We returned with a bit of a suntan, lots of jetlag, a bigger and rounder pregnant belly, a whole bag full of adorable baby clothes we bought and lovely presents we got at the surprise baby shower for our little girl, and many extra kilos in our own suitcases. M caught my sister's flu, meaning we had to postpone our return flight to the 18th. He's never sick, but when he is, he gets the whole nine yards!

The vacation however was great. Spending time with my family felt wonderful. We shopped till we dropped with my mother, dined to our heart's and stomach's contempt with my father and his wife, and did a few excursions all together on the weekends such as renting a boat for a day. The return to reality is being quite hard, with the jetlag, the temperature change, etc. but thankfully M was prescribed sick days till the end of the week, so we can slowly readapt together to our normal german life. Don't know if it's all the vitamins I'm taking to fight M's virus, or if she's also jetlagged, but our little girl is doing aerobics in my stomach these days. Let's see if we can get rid of it - it being the jetlag, although getting rid of the aerobics would please me as well - before Nat comes to visit this weekend...

May the shopping begin!

I had my appointment with the specialist for the organ diagnosis today and M. came with me. The baby is healthy and everything seems to be functioning correctly. It measures 26 cm and weighs 400 gr, which apparently is in the standards. Also, the specialist was able to see that it's a girl, which confirms what everyone seemed to be thinking. I am extremely happy and will celebrate it by getting a much needed haircut today. Instead of a good bottle of wine, as I would have done in the past.

Oh! and of course by buying some adorable little baby things for our daughter. May the shopping begin! So been looking forward to that!